Accept The Things Can't Change Comic Strips - Page 3

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772 Results for Accept The Things Can't Change

View 21 - 30 results for accept the things can't change comic strips. Discover the best "Accept The Things Can't Change" comics from Dilbert.com.

Authority On Your Opinion

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Authority On Your Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #disagreements, #Opinion, #sarcasm, #change, #debate, #authority, #hallucinating, #lying, #stupid, #gaslight, #insult, #face mask

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co-worker: why have you changed your opinion since last week? dilbert: i haven't changed my opinion. co-worker: no, it was different last week. dilbert: are we really debating which one of us is a better authority on my opinion? co-worker: you might be lying about not changing your opinion. dilbert: and you might be hallucinating or lying or just stupid. co-worker: you might be trying to gaslight me right now. i'm glad we can have these honest talks. dilbert: i hope you plunge to your death in a freak elevator accident.

Ted Needed To Know

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  Ted Needed To Know - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #business, #email, #forward, #malice, #slander, #private, #know, #face maks

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alice: i forwarded your email to ted. Dilbert shaken: WHAT!!! i said bad things about ted! that was a private email to you! alice: he needed to know. dilbert yelling: he did not need to know!

Boss Doesn't Understand

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  Boss Doesn't Understand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #server, #migration, #difficult, #understand, #question, #face maks

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boss: can you finish the server migration by monday? dilbert: no way. boss: how hard can it be? dilbert: you only say that about things you don't understand. boss: i ask that question every day. dilberty: yup.

Boss Using Phone

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Boss Using Phone   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #distraction, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #business, #disrespect, #hear, #face mask

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dilbert: are you listening to me? it looks as if you are using your phone. boss: i can do two things at once. dilbert: i'll bet you can't even hear me, you ridiculous moron. boss: uh-huh uh-huh go on. dilbert: you smell like old socks, and your brain is made of cheese.

Dilbert Tells The Odds

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Dilbert Tells The Odds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #estimate, #managers & supervisors, #miscommunication, #odds, #technology, #wrong

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dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.

You Can Say No

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You Can Say No - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #technology, #insubordination, #stupid, #test, #video, #sarcasm

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dilbert wearing face mask: did you know you can just refuse to do things that are stupid, and it will be okay? tina: i don't believe that. dilbert: it's true! i've been testing it all week. tina: take a video next time you do it so i can see how. dilbert: no, that's stupid.

Tracking Dilbert

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Tracking Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body cam, #freedom, #keystrokes, #location, #managers & supervisors, #phone, #report, #status, #technology, #track, #video conference, #work at home, #working

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dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.

Getting Opinions

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Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #input, #dumb, #human, #universe, #Opinion, #strategy, #worse

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boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server

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Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #business, #technology, #network, #upgrade, #server, #boss, #latency, #locks, #garage, #sleep, #face mask, #work from home

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dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.

Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support

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Dogbert Teaches Asok Tech Support - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #train, #tech support, #problem, #reboot, #computer, #problem solving, #genius

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boss: dogbert, i need you to train asok to fill in for you on tech support. dogbert to asok: the goal of tech support is to convince the caller the problem is on their end. i do this by recommending increasingly difficult things for them to try. eventually they give up, watch and learn. dogbert on call: uh-huh... uh-huh... try rebooting your computer. now try it again while holding control -escape-space bar- delete for exactly 27.3 seconds. no luck? try looking at your computer's binary code to find any zeros and ones that are out of order. click dogbert: and he's gone. asok: genius!