Actual Facts Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

57 Results for Actual Facts

View 21 - 30 results for actual facts comic strips. Discover the best "Actual Facts" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular

View Transcript

Transcript

Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #spreading rumors, #make me quit, #false rumors, #actual facts, #poacher, #endangered species

View Transcript

Transcript

Keith: Alice is spreading false rumors about me. She's trying to make me quit. Catbert: "At this company we don't get all anal about the difference between false rumors and actual facts." Keith: "That's not fair!" Catbert: "Said the alleged poacher of endangered species."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #actual meeting, #day after meeting, #pre meeting, #thursday, #evil, #underpaid

View Transcript

Transcript

Did you set up my pre-meeting for Wednesday? "Yes. It's on Thursday." "You scheduled my pre-meeting for the day after the meeting?" "That was the only day that everyone could make it." "There's no point in having a pre-meeting after the actual meeting." "Sure there is. You can talk about how much better the meeting would have been if you had been prepared." "Here comes the pointy-haired boss. You'd better scurry away before he gives you more work." "There's a fine line between evil and underpaid."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #avoid facts, #cubicle, #paid commissions, #sales engineer, #truth, #sales rep

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

We might need to restate our earnings. "It turns out that we're not allowed to make up numbers." "Did you know that 'frillion' isn't an actual number?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2006's comic on:


Tags #written in stone, #actual stone, #stone tablet

View Transcript

Transcript

We're supposed to have our budget approved by Tuesday but that's not written in stone. "Yes it is. I have it right here." "It was kind of lucky because this is the only one I brought to the meeting."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair

View Transcript

Transcript

SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #vacation schedule, #more than accrued, #actual vacation, #remain upbeat, #quit, #quit on vacation, #slavery

View Transcript

Transcript

"Here's my vacation schedule." "Good." "Whoa! You're planning to take more vacation days than you've accrued." "It's okay because I'll accrue the days before the actual vacation." "No can do. What if you quit before then?" "I'm literally afraid to hear the answer to that question." "Think, man! If you quit and have vacation at the same time..." "I'LL BE DOWN TWO PEOPLE!!!" "It's hard to remain upbeat." "Do you still live here?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2004's comic on:


Tags #scientits, #unethical scientits, #human clone, #infomercial

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My wealth - building system has been verified by actual scientists. Dogbert: where can I find an unethical scientist? And if Im to busy, my human clone can do your infomercial. Dogbert: good prices.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2004's comic on:


Tags #car, #late, #cold, #car wouldn't start, #warm out, #wind chill factor, #no actual car, #lied. boss, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: I'm late because my car wouldn't start in the cold. The boss; Its warm outside. allyL theres a little thing called the wind chill factor. Hello - o - o -o!! Dilbert: that was wrong on many levels. wally: Someday Im gotta get a car.