After Raises Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

475 Results for After Raises

View 21 - 30 results for after raises comic strips. Discover the best "After Raises" comics from Dilbert.com.

Carol Gets Some Candor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Gets Some Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carol, #Wally, #radical candor, #candor, #compliment, #deer, #scat, #forest, #fire

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Looks like you got a good dose of radical candor. Carol: Yes, but it can bundled with insincere kindness, so all I felt was some tingling. Wally: You look like deer scat after a forest fire. Carol: Thank you for your candor.

How About Lunch

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How About Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #flirting, #rejection, #relationships, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Would you like to have a drink after work? Woman: I don't drink. Dilbert: How about lunch? Woman: I also don't eat. Do you see a pattern yet? Dilbert: You're an android?

Death By Ninjas Is Best

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

Boss Checks On His Nickname

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Checks On His Nickname - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #name-calling, #nickname, #abbreviation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally says people are calling me a "frickin' bottleneck" behind my back. Is that true? Carol: I have to call you back after I'm done with F.B. Boss: F.B.? Carol: Um... Facebook.

Compensation Based On Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

Wally Takes Decaf Vacations

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Takes Decaf Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #caffeine, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I've never seen you take a vacation. Wally: I take mental vacations. All I do is switch to decaf. After a few hours, I can't remember what country I'm in. Alice: Sounds dumb. Is the any downside? Wally: The locals could be friendlier.

Wally's Excuses List

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Excuses List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.

Asok Uses An Algorithm

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Uses An Algorithm - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #cubicle, #popularity, #algorithm, #decision

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: After the office redesign, you will be in the cubicle nearest our pointy-haired boss. Man: How did you decide on that? Asok: I used an algorithm. Man: Is the algorithm that you hate me? Asok: And you have never studied martial arts.