Asking Comic Strips - Page 3
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132 Results for Asking
View 21 - 30 results for asking comic strips. Discover the best "Asking" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday December 15,
2015
I Would Never Ask You To Lie
Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.
Saturday December 12,
2015
Robot High Five
Tags soul, patience, frustration, artificial intelligence, technology, emotions, anger
Transcript
Boss: Did you notice any changes after Alice gave you an artificial soul? Robot: I'm less tolerant of idiots asking me questions. Boss: High five. Robot: What is wrong with you people???
Monday September 14,
2015
Dilbert Working On Boss's Side Job
Tags work, labor, free, taking advantage, side job, boss, conflict of interest
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish the website I asked you to make for my side business? Dilbert: No, because you keep me busy 100 percent of the time in my regular job. Boss: Hey, it isn't easy asking for twice as many status updates either.
Tuesday July 21,
2015
Why Can't You Be Happy
Tags negative, negativity, happiness, catch-22, happy, psychology
Transcript
Boss: I'm tired of your negativity, Alice. Alice: Why can't you be happy about it? Boss: How can I be happy about something negative? Alice: Aren't you asking me to do that? Or am I missing the point?
Tuesday April 21,
2015
Dilbert And Alice Add Features
Tags inventions, simplicity, engineers, complication, complicated, coffee, mug, overthinking
Transcript
Wally: Our boss asked me to totally ruin my double-handled coffee mug invention by adding features. I am asking each of you to suppress your engineering impulses just this one time and let this perfect product stay perfect. Dilbert: It would be perfect if it had wi-fi and a projection keyboard. Alice: Maybe add some health sensors and GPS.
Sunday April 05,
2015
Tags work ethic, work, google, big business, projects, ideas, innovation
Transcript
CEO: We're borrowing a policy from Google because they are so awesome. You may now use 20% of your workday on your own project ideas. Dilbert: Are you saying we can do 20% less work on our core functions? CEO: No, no. Nothing like that. I'm saying you can work on your own project ideas for 20% of your time. Dilbert: Okay... so... if the 20% doesn't come out of our work hours, where does it come from? Alice: I think he's trying to make us work 20% longer for the same amount of pay. Dilbert; We could just tell people we do it, but not do it. CEO: Same as Google! That's all I'm asking.
Sunday March 15,
2015
Tags executives, ceos, raise, asking for a raise, compensation, money, wages, comparison, wage discrepancy, mansion
Transcript
Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?
Saturday February 21,
2015
Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok
Tags Advice, bad advice, diversification, investment, obliviousness, stock market, money
Transcript
Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.
Tuesday January 27,
2015
Takes Money To Make Money
Tags asking questions, faith, idiom, idioms, money, questioning, sayings
Transcript
Boss: It takes money to make money. Dilbert: Then... where did the first money come from? Boss: God? Dilbert: Don't let him hear doubt in your voice.
Saturday September 13,
2014
Tags optimism, work ethic, career advancement, asking advice, pet kangaroo, marry one, time lag, Promotion
Transcript
Dilbert: Research says that asking for advice doubles your odds of career advancement. Do you think I should get a pet kangaroo? Boss: I don't care if you marry one. Dilbert: I wonder how long the time lag is until my promotion.

