Associate With Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Associate With

View 21 - 30 results for associate with comic strips. Discover the best "Associate With" comics from Dilbert.com.

Jargon Cancelling Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Jargon Cancelling Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2019's comic on:

Tags #doctor, #doctors' offices, #office, #office workers, #prescription, #headphones, #jargon

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: looks like you have a bad case of jargon poisoning. doctor: i'll write you a prescription for jargon-canceling headphones. they translate jargon words to normal words. office worker: let's stay in our swim lane while the tiger teams get buy-in on the verticals. dilbert hears this with headphones: nothing, nothing, nothing.

Why Are Other Companies Not Doing It

Thank you for voting.
Why Are Other Companies Not Doing It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #company, #variables

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss to dilbert: if your idea is so good, why aren't other companies doing it? dilbert: because they are in completely different businesses with completely different variables and they don't have a genius like me working for them. the boss: what happens if we try your idea but we do it wrong? dilbert: that's called "business as usual."

Ted And The Tangle Of Cords

Thank you for voting.
Ted And The Tangle Of Cords - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #coffee, #desk, #office, #office workers, #cables, #stapler

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss, dibert and wally standing with coffee. the boss: has anyone seen ted lately? wally: last time i saw him he was trapped in a tangle of cables behind his desk, screaming for help. the boss: then you helped him get free? wally: i only needed his stapler.

Dogbert's Service Human

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Service Human - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #magazines, #office, #office workers, #service, #ipad

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert to dilbert: this is my service human. office worker on leash. dogbert: whenever i feel angry, i slap him with a rolled-up magazine to help me relax. service human: no one reads magazines anymore. dogbert: can i borrow your iPad?

Touch Base With Carl

Thank you for voting.
Touch Base With Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2019's comic on:

Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: can you reach out to carl and touch base? dilbert: can you restate that using normal words? the boss: i could, but then it would feel as if i'm not managing you.

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #variables, #forecast

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

Winners Never Quit

Thank you for voting.
Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #employees, #office, #office workers, #pay raise, #employee of the year

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm looking for nominations for employee of the year. the boss: does anyone have a suggestion? dilbert: hypothetically, would the winner of this award be likely to get a larger-than-normal pay raise? the boss: i would think so, yes. dilbert: and is it true that our budget for raises is limited? the boss: yes, of course. dilbert: would it not be against my best interests to nominate an employee who is competing with me for scarce resources? the boss: let's just forget i brought it up. dilbert: i nominate myself.

Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #elbonian, #cyber threat

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: what are we doing about the elbonian cyber threat? dilbert: i called a meeting for tomorrow to come up with a plan for dealing with it. the boss: your weak response proves you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: what? to be continued...

Twitch Gets You More Work

Thank you for voting.
Twitch Gets You More Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2019's comic on:

Tags #business, #communication, #office, #office workers, #project

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: does anyone have an idea for fixing our communication problem with marketing? dilbert, alice, wally and asok thinking: must...not...speak or else he will assign the project to me. the boss: i saw your eye twitch. the project is all yours. alice: GAAAA!!! visually upset