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113 Results for Avoid Ansering

View 21 - 30 results for avoid ansering comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Ansering" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Is Born For The Job

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Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #legacy, #system, #laziness, #perfect job, #goals, #ambition

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Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare

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Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.

Wally And Agile Programming

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Wally And Agile Programming - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #avoid, #evasion, #acrobatics

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Boss: I'll ask Wally to write this software. I haven't seen him since he took that agile programming class.

Two Ways To Avoid Listening

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Two Ways To Avoid Listening  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #mentor, #listening, #attention

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Wally: There are two good ways to avoid listening to others. 1.) Do all of the talking yourself, and 2:) be too busy to listen. Asok: That sounds simplistic. Wally: I'm late for a meeting.

Don't Read Long Emails

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Don't Read Long Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #email, #tldr, #communication, #assumption, #honesty

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Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.

Wally Has Passon For No Goals

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Wally Has Passon For No Goals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #achievement, #laziness, #work ethic, #catch-22, #guest artist, #donna oatney

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Wally: You told us we need to set goals and have passion. But what if my passion is to avoid having measurable goals? Boss: You're passionate about being useless? Wally: Hey, back off, dream-killer.

Hard Work Is Necessary For Success

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Hard Work Is Necessary For Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #misunderstanding, #motivation, #hard work, #Advice, #brainwash

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Wally: Remember, Asok, success requires hard work and sacrifice. Asok: Got it! I will work hard and sacrifice! Wally: I was going to say that's why you should avoid success. Who brainwashed you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadlines, #deadline, #management, #time management, #projects, #distraction, #multitasking

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Boss: When do you think you can get that done for me? Dilbert: Depends. If I had no interruptions, I could finish in four hours. But we have to factor in the inefficiency of your management. For example, you're likely to give me six new projects before I get started on this one. And you force me to work in ta noisy office surrounded by all the people I need to avoid to get work done. Given all of that, I'd say it will take seven months. Boss: I'll give you three months because I'm a leader. Dilbert: Oookay. And... how much of the three months will involve you standing there?

Wall The Company Taint

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Wall The Company Taint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Promotion, #manager, #taint, #success

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Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.

Learning To Avoid Responsibility

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Learning To Avoid Responsibility - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mentoring, #mentor, #mentors, #protege, #criticism, #responsibility, #Advice

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CEO: No matter how much I mentor you, you still act the same. Wally: That's because you're a terrible mentor. You owe me an apology for wasting my time. CEO: I don't think the problem is on my end. Wally: Are you teaching me how to avoid taking responsibility?