Being Professional Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

551 Results for Being Professional

View 21 - 30 results for being professional comic strips. Discover the best "Being Professional" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Fired For Being White Supremacist  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, racism, fired, employees, white supremacist, apathy, career, punch, witness, denial

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: i have to fire you because employees are saying you are a white supremacist. boss: but i'm not. ceo: doesn't matter. i care more about my career than your life. boss: you're firing me just to look good? ceo: and i'll need to punch you in front of witnesses.

Cooties Diagnosis

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cooties Diagnosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags confirmed, cooties, diagnosis, doctor, medicine, Opinion, professional, skepticism, symptom, test

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.

Getting Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, technology, input, dumb, human, universe, Opinion, strategy, worse

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

Dogbert Teaches Safety

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Dogbert Teaches Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, safety, training, simple, corporate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's corporate safety training. Don't touch anything, don't move around, and don't talk to anyone, ever! Thanks for coming. Dilbert: That's the whole class? Dogbert: Don't blame me for being good at summarizing.

Sarcastic About Safety

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Sarcastic About Safety  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, education, office workers, safety, sarcasm, training

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hear you were being sarcastic about safety. Obviously, you don't take safety seriously, so I have to send you to a safety re-education camp for a week. Dilbert: That will totally fix this problem. Boss: You just bought yourself an extra week.

Believing Experts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Believing Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags debates, Opinion, expert, facts, current events, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Haha! You idiot! How dare you dis-agree with the foremost experts in this field! Dilbert: Here's a breaking story about those same experts being arrested today for falsifying data. In a sane world, this information would serve to modify your strong opinion. Man: That's not how any of this works.

Bead Of Sweat

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bead Of Sweat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health & safety, idea, nervous, office workers, sickness, virus, paranoia, pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What do you think of my idea? Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead. Man: It's warm in here! Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.

Human Walking This Way

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Human Walking This Way - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coronavirus, exercise, fish, health, human, social distancing, walking, water

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert walking outside thinking: uh-oh. a human being is walking in my direction. dilbert jumping over wall into river: aaaagh!!! fish in water by dilbert: i need to ask you to back up six feet.

Working On Vacation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Working On Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, vacation, scold, enjoy, behind, train, broken

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.

Loving Yourself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, office workers, philosophy, self love, evil, ignorant, selfish, lazy, love

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!