Block Of Wood Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

39 Results for Block Of Wood

View 21 - 30 results for block of wood comic strips. Discover the best "Block Of Wood" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2005's comic on:


Tags #developing, #easy tear, #noise cancellation, #headphones, #recognize stupidity, #prototype

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "This is a prototype of the product I've been developing for the past year." "I modified a paid of standard noise-concellation headphones to recognize stupidity and block it before it reaches your ears." "Put these on and you'll enjoy the total bliss that comes from avoiding the chatter of idiots." The Boss: "Do they work?" Wally: "What?" The Boss: "I said, do they work?!!" Wally: "Does anyone have any questions?" Dilbert: "Those are ordinary headphones, aren't they?" Wally: "If you act like you can't hear, they're a prototype."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2004's comic on:


Tags #viosnary executives, #block of wood, #foresee good numbers, #new glasses

View Transcript

Transcript

"Optometrist for Visionary Executives" "Look through this block of wood." "Is this better or worse?" "Better." "I forsee forty quarters of growth." "Hey, new glasses?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new tech lab, #pick contractor, #lowest bid, #force problems, #chance to gnaw wood, #beaver interview

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #handwriting analysis, #disturbed loner, #steals, #liberal, #absolutely necessary

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Handwriting Analysis. Dogbert is sitting across from a male employee. Dogbert reports, "Your handwriting proves that you're a disturbed loner who steals." The employee, looking confused, asks, "What?'' Dogbert stands and exclaims, "Take this thief away!" Two police officers accost the employee from behind. The employee is tied in ropes to a wood pole. The Boss asks Dogbert, "Is this part absolutely necessary?" Dogbert thinks to himself, "Liberal."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2001's comic on:


Tags #no raise, #not enough questions, #meetings, #care about job, #thirst for knowledge, #likes wood

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok the Intern sits across from the Boss. The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise. You don't ask enough questions in meetings." The Boss continues, "Questions show that you care about your job and have a thirst for knowledge." Asok is seen at a staff meeting, hand raised, asking, "Who else likes wood?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cynics annonymous, #fluorescent lights, #higher power, #naive optimism, #perfect emplyee

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert tells Dilbert: "Dilbert, you've become too aware of reality. I'm sending you to 'Cynics Anonymous.'" Catbert continues: "A higher power will help you regain the naive optimism that once made you a perfect employee." Dilbert says: "Why can't the higher power change me while I'm sitting here?" Catbert answers: "Fluorescent lights block his power."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1999's comic on:


Tags #power supply, #nail in wood, #vacation tomorrwo, #need changes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert works on a computer with a screwdriver. A stupid looking man offers Dilbert a piece of wood with a nail in it. The dumb man says, "I didn't know how to design a power supply, so I put a nail in a piece of wood." The man says, "I'm on vacation tomorrow, so I'll give you my files in case you need to make changes." Dilbert holds the wood and looks mad. The stupid man says, "Once I had he idea, it all came together pretty quickly."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #measurable objective, #technical writer, #measure good writing, #number of words, #compare projects to wood, #dogmatic babbling manager, #cognitive surrender

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #dogbert the supermodel, #lingerie shoot, #short round guy, #black socks, #ice

View Transcript

Transcript

The ugly lady with the fashionably outdated glasses is wearing a toga and sandals. She hands Dogbert a pair of black dress socks and says, "Your first assignment is a lingerie shoot. You'll be wearing black socks." Dogbert has a lump of silly putty on his head as a 'beauty tumor.' The woman says, "There's nothing sexier than a short round guy in black socks." Dogbert sits on a table or block. Dogbert, wearing the dress socks, looks at himself in a hand mirror and wags his tail. He says, "Wow! This works!" Heat is rising off the ugly woman and she says, "Quick! Get me a big block of ice to sit on!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #network adminsitrator, #routers, #block employees, #websites, #program routers, #useless activities, #business plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."