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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #Dilbert, #office joke

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Hee hee! How many blondes does it take to change a tire?" Dilbert asks, "One?" Wally says, "No, thirty-seven to lift the car and one to pin the diaper on the tire!!" Wally laughs. Dilbert asks, "Couldn't they just use the jack?" Wally replies, "I wondered about that too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #electronics, #devices, #pager, #calculator, #watch, #technical, #superiority, #engineer, #challenges, #dominance, #ritualistic, #compass, #wireless, #fax

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Dilbert, who is wearing a belt with several electronic devices attached to it, says, "Wally, I notice that all you have is a pager and a calculator watch." Wally thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert continues, "That's pathetic compared to my vast array of personal electronics. Do you yield to my technical superiority?" The caption says, "When a male engineer challenges another for dominance of the pack, there is a brief ritualistic battle rarely seen by outsiders." Wally says, "Stay back, I've got a compass!!" Dilbert yells, "Wireless fax!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mild, #flu, #normally, #survive, #brief, #developed, #empathy, #die, #afford, #ambassador, #class, #service

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Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 1991's comic on:


Tags #curiosity, #information, #secret, #Dilbert, #meeting, #brief, #companys, #policy, #locked, #night, #great, #value, #competitors, #companies, #pay, #annual, #salary, #best, #work

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Dilbert stands at the front of a conference room. He says, "I've been asked to brief everybody on the company's policy for protecting secret information." Dilbert continues, "All secret information must be locked up at night." Dilbert continues, "Our secrets could be of great value to our competitors." Dilbert continues, "In fact, some companies try to buy the secrets of their competitors." A woman asks, "Just out of curiosity, how much would our competitors pay for our secrets?" Dilbert replies, "Oh, I dunno . . . Maybe several times your annual salary." The people at the table smirk at each other. Dilbert thinks, "I don't think this was some of my best work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hook, #vcr, #instructions, #connect, #cables, #electrical, #engineer

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Dilbert says, "Come help me hook up my new VCR, Dogbert." Dilbert kneels next to the television and says, "You read the instructions and I'll connect the cables." Dogbert reads, "'Connect the 300 Ohm twin-lead flat cable to the 75 Ohm RF2 jack.'" Dilbert looks confused. Dogbert continues to read, "'Or use the optional 75 Ohm co-axial cable with the F type connector.'" Dilbert thinks, "Good Lord, I'm an electrical engineer and I don't understand any of this." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to lie to the other engineers and say I don't WANT to record tv shows." Dogbert reads, "'Now, strip naked, cover your body with motor oil and run through town yelling walla-walla-walla.'" Dilbert says, "Let me see that." Dogbert reads, "'Step six: Do not doubt the nice dog.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #shopping, #nerdstrom, #compile family, #complimentary, #guarantee, #nice

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Dilbert walks into a store called Nerdstrom. A salesclerk says to Dilbert, "Hi, I'm Larry, and I'll be your personal shopping assistant." The salesman opens a measuring tape and says, "I'll start by measuring you, then I'll do your colors, then compile a brief family history for our records." The salesman continues, "Complimentary food and beverages will be served, and a masseuse is on call." Dilbert says, "I'm looking for a new pen . . . Maybe something in a Bic." The man says, "I recommend the blue. We guarantee it for life." Dilbert says, "Yes, this will do nicely." Back at home, Dogbert asks, "Was it expensive?" Dilbert replies, "Fortunately, I qualified for their identured servant plan."