Close Eyes Comic Strips - Page 3
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227 Results for Close Eyes
View 21 - 30 results for close eyes comic strips. Discover the best "Close Eyes" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 13,
2014
Tags close friends, facebook, fix problem, friends, liked, posts, seven friends, therapy, shrink, popularity, social media, technology, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: No one "likes" my Facebook posts. woman: How many Facebook friends do you have? Dilbert: Seven. Woman: Are they close friends? Dilbert: How do you define close? Woman: Have you here invited any of these people to your house? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Woman: I can't fix your problem. SO instead , I'll plant some false memories and try to fox those later. Do you remember being a robot that was designed by alines? Dilbert: No. woman: are you sure? Dilbert: I was.
Saturday February 01,
2014
Tags basket cases, bottom dollar, dysfunction, mentor, new hire, office equipment, office robot, human life, less important
Transcript
Boss: I need someone to mentor our new hire, but every one of you is dysfunctional. So I'm having our office robot do the mentoring. It can't be worse than you basket cases. Employee: So... human life is less important than office equipment? Robot: Far less. It's not even close.
Tuesday January 14,
2014
Tags embarrassment, inventions, good news, fuel source, organic waste material, awkward
Transcript
Dilbert: the good news is that we're going to test a new furl source for you. The bad news is that the fun source is organic waste material. Irs awkward for me too. Just close your eyes , ok?
Tuesday December 31,
2013
Tags business ethics, efficiency experts, gloves, foot in glove
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll teach you the best practices of companies that have nothing in common with yours. Those practices will fit your company like a foot in a glove. Boss: Close enough. Dogbert Consults
Tuesday November 12,
2013
Tags hypocrisy, mobile (cell) phones, phone rining, fired, judge, ironic, threat, legal
Transcript
Boss: Anyone whose phone rings during this meeting will be fired on the spot. RRRING! Stop judging me with your eyes. Dilbert: It's the only thing that keeps them open.
Wednesday November 06,
2013
Tags computer software, frustration, internet & world wide web, syoe, shut down, quit, drown it
Transcript
Alice: Okay, Skype. Let's see if I can figure out how to shut you down. Close! Quit! Sign out! Minimize! Quit! Yes! Close! Quit! Die! Die! Die! Dilbert: Did you close Skype. Alice: Almost. I'm heading to the ocean to drown it.
Sunday November 03,
2013
Tags hypocrisy, respect, succeed, treat each other well, video recording, google glasses, recording confidential info, fired, insulting, final check, name calling, ironic
Transcript
CEO: We only succeed when we treat each other with respect. Are you video-recording me with those Google glasses? Dilbert: Huh? CEO: You're fired for recording a confidential meeting! Pack your bags, you worthless piece of garbage! I got your final check right here! Dilbert: These are my regular glasses. Having cleared that up, you were saying something about respect? CEO: Settle down, four-eyes. This isn't over.
Friday October 04,
2013
Tags avarice, executives, products decline, amrketing, improving, huge raises, money
Transcript
Boss: Our products are getting worse every day. But our marketing keeps improving. We're very close to the point where our customers will give us money for no reason. Then we can give ourselves huge raises and do no work at all. CEO: I like everything you said, except the "we" part.
Sunday December 02,
2012
Tags cublicle, hours worked, judgement, long term projects, near term deliverables, negotiate, output, work ethic, work from home, holy grail
Transcript
Wally: I would like to be evaluated on my output, not the hours I work. Boss: Okay. That sounds reasonable. Wally: It does? Wow. And I'd also like to work at home where there are fewer distractions so I can be more productive. Boss: Okay. That makes sense. Wally: Really? I mean... great! I'd also like to work on long-term projects that have no near-term deliverables. Holy grail, holy grail, holy grail. Boss: Go back to your cubicle and don't leave until five o'clock. Wally: I was this close to retiring at full pay.
Saturday September 15,
2012
Tags celebrities, wealth, money manager, dumb celebrities, pay close attention, money invested, protect money, money
Transcript
Dogbert: I've decided to become a money manager for dumb celebrities. Celebrities don't pay close attention to where their money is invested, or who is stealing it. Dilbert: So you plan to help them protect their money? Dogbert: That would be one way to play it.


