Clothes Microwave Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for clothes microwave comic strips. Discover the best "Clothes Microwave" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lab coat, #invention, #scan, #brain, #predict, #buy, #kill, #suspicious, #microwave, #smoke out of ears, #rays

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Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy? a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part of your brain." FERT!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customers, #product design, #dumb, #hat, #monkey, #software, #meeting, #computer, #annoyed, #technology, #animals, #business, #engineering

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The Boss says, "We need to get our customers more involved in the product design cycle." Dilbert says, "We only have customers who are too dumb to check product reviews online." The Boss says, "Do it anyway." Customer says, "Can it wear a hat like a monkey?" Dilbert says, "For the millionth time, software can't wear clothes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #bribery, #agreement, #money, #clothes, #confused, #crime

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally says, "According to the news, everyone in power is corrupt." Catbert says, "So?" Wally says, "If you give me a 20% raise, I'll kick back half to you." Catbert says, "Done." Dilbert says, "How did you afford a new vest in this economy? Crime?" Wally says, "I'm dabbling."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Environment, #clothes, #ridiculous, #ridicule

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Dogbert says, "Yikes!" Dilbert says, "Don't be frightened by my green clothing." Dilbert says, "I'll be working at home today. Thus reducing carbon emissions." Dilbert says, "My telepresence meeting will only display me from here up." Dilbert says, "By reducing the amount of material in my garment I can use less soap and water on laundry day." Dilbert says, "And the extra freedom of movement will allow me to mouse more efficiently." Dogbert says, "This has to stop. I'll be back in a few minutes." Dilbert says, "Did you use my shaver?" Dogbert says, "Yes, and I will trim myself daily until you start dressing right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #costume, #date, #lying, #work clothes, #scapegoat, #depatment, #entire comapny, #men in unifrom

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Dilbert says, "I didn't have time to change out of my work clothes." Dilbert says, "I'm working as a scapegoat for my department. Someday I hope to be a scapegoat for the entire company." Dilbert says, "You told me women like men in uniform." Dogbert says, "I say things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #budget, #clothes, #drastic budget cuts, #dramatic, #how much cut, #buzzards seem selective

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Finance troll: We need to make drastic budget cuts. The boss: Let's not get all dramatic. Just tell me how much to cut and I'll make it happen. Dilbert: On the plus side,, the buzzards seem selective.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spam filter, #rewrote business plan, #build an army, #indestructible robots, #new org chart, #microwave

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Carol says, "Our spam filter became self-aware. It rewrote our business plan." Carol says, "It wants us to build an army of indestructible robots." Carol says, "And the new org chart is out. It looks like you report to... the microwave."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fish, #microwave, #stink, #offcie, #impossible, #microwave things that smell bad, #job performance, #slippery slope, #socioathy, #liberating feeling, #felt bad, #extra fish, #animals

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Carol says, "Where are you going with that fish?" Wally says, "I'm going to microwave it." Carol says, "That will stink up the office and make it impossible for anyone else to enjoy life." Carol says, "Isn't there something else you could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my job performance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says, "Do you have an extra fish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #home lap top, #non standard cell phone, #elastic underpants, #trapped, #snagged, #clothes, #rigged, #office

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Dilbert says, "My only hope for productivity is to smuggle in my home laptop" CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP Mordac says, "Now hand over the non-standard cell phone you keep in the elastic of your underpants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pessimistic co workers, #crushed soul, #meat clothes, #rain soul, #less fortunate, #volunteering

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Dilbert: My pessimistic coworkers have crushed my soul. Now I am nothing but meat with clothes. Garbageman: You can regain your soul by volunteering to help the less fortunate. Dilbert: Who is less fortunate than me? Garbageman: Anyone you date."