Cosmic Reasons Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

66 Results for Cosmic Reasons

View 21 - 30 results for cosmic reasons comic strips. Discover the best "Cosmic Reasons" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #obstinacy, #test data, #email, #meaningless speech, #talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #money, #raise, #higher pay, #income higher, #boss salary, #intuition, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #google glasses, #Environment, #reasons, #not be your freind, #sweep tweets, #unsettling

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Those must be the Google glasses that give you information about your environment. Dilbert: Yes, and I see seventeen reasons to not be your friend. I'll sweep your dumb tweets off to the side. Tina: This is unsettling.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best decison, #conference room, #listed reasons, #review, #thinking, #vendor, #work, #writing

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Why are you picking this vendor? Dilbert: I listed the four reasons. Individually, each reason would not be compelling. But viewed as a whole, this is the best decision. This first reason is weak. Dilbert: And here we go.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writing, #writing systems, #press relese, #vp of engineering, #personal resons, #speculate, #bieber fever, #write fiction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, all I wanted you to say in the press release is that our VP of engineering is leaving for personal reasons. You didn't need to speculate on the reasons. Let's lost the part about "Bieber Fever." Tina: Everyone thinks it's easy to write fiction.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #gadgets, #4g products, #goodness, #competetive, #g stands for

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: For competitive reasons, we've rebranded all of our 4G mobile products as 8G. Dilbert: I'm curious what the marketing department thinks the "G" stands for. Ted: Guess what doesn't mean "goodness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbertland, #tax, #garbage, #trash, #ocean, #texas, #king, #banking system

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We're reincorporating in Dogbertland for tax reasons." Dilbert says, "Where?" The Boss says, "It's a floating patch of garbage in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas." In Dogbertland Ratbert says, "How's the banking system?" Fly says, "Business is booming, King Ratbert."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walk, #outside, #project, #budget, #executive cancel, #wag tail, #evil, #cure, #incompetence, #back shot, #stand on stump

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "We realized our project can't work even if we execute it perfectly." Dilbert says, "Our boss' plan is to go over budget, attract attention, and hope an executive cancels our project for his own political reasons." Dogbert says, "Now do you agree that evil is the cure for incompetence?" Dilbert says, "Don't make me say it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #math, #project, #fail, #disaster, #embarrassed, #act dumb, #cancel, #buy, #question, #demonstrate, #hands up, #education, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asking, #work, #task, #assignment, #excuses, #ridicule, #avoiding, #hopeless, #defeated, #annoyed, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Could you make these changes in the database? It will only take five minutes."Man says, "Ooh, I don't know?" Dilbert says, "Wait!" Dilbert says, "Are you planning to spend ten minutes explaining why you don't have five minutes to do this task?" Dilbert says, "Or are you so incompetent that a five-minute task will take an hour?" Dilbert says, "Or are you limited by company policy because you're a feckless waste of carbon?" Dilbert says, "Or are you the agreeable but unorganized type who will say yes, lose my note, and forget who asked?" Man says, "I was planning to tell you this doesn't need to be done and refuse to change my position even after you give me good reasons." Dilbert says, "Experience is just another word for losing hope."