Dead Comic Strips - Page 3
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191 Results for Dead
View 21 - 30 results for dead comic strips. Discover the best "Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 06,
2016
I Own You
Tags honesty, work ethic, communication, text, control
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.
Thursday April 14,
2016
Checking The Time
Thursday April 07,
2016
Ted Is Not That Dumb
Tags joke, mean, bully, insult, death, idiot, idiocy, stupid, dumb, guest artist, brenna thummler, medical
Transcript
Boss: You're not allowed to tell co-workers to drive into a ravine. Dilbert: It was a joke. Ted isn't so dumb that he would do it. Ask him if he's that dumb. Boss: Don't speak ill of the dead.
Saturday April 02,
2016
The Boss's Feng Shui And Aura
Tags horoscope, Astrology, prediction, fortune, nonsense
Transcript
Carol: Ooh. Bad news on your horoscope today. Your moon is intersecting with the feng shui of your aura. Boss: How long do I have? Carol: You'll be dead by noon. Boss: I meant until my next meeting.
Monday December 07,
2015
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues
Tags technology, future, death, prediction, health, reaction, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.
Wednesday October 21,
2015
Wally's Stress Problem
Tags stress, health, work, employee, work ethic, laziness, excuse
Transcript
Wally: I need to take an extended medical leave to deal with my job-related stress. The stress is degrading my cardiovascular system. I could drop dead any minute. Boss: Which part of your job is causing stress? Wally: I think it's the work part.
Sunday August 23,
2015
Tags technology, unemployment, replacement, obsolete, app, job, jobs, dating, logic, business, relationships
Transcript
Woman: ...and that's what I do for a living. What do you do? Dilbert: I'm building an app that will make your entire industry obsolete. I'm almost done. It looks pretty good. Woman: You're destroying my life! Dilbert: No, I'm only making the app. The app will be destroying your life. Woman: This got awkward, but I'm attracted to smart men, so... would you like to go out this weekend? Dilbert: I don't think that's a good idea. I can't get past your dead-end career.
Wednesday August 05,
2015
Ted Died Last Week
Saturday July 04,
2015
One Missile
Tags hiding, off the grid, surveillance, spying, drone, emergency, drone strike, hacker
Transcript
G-Man 1: One of our drones found the fugitive hacker Dilbert in a remote forest. He ate a poisonous berry and will be dead in minutes. Can I light him up for practice? G-Man 2: One missile. They're pricey.
Wednesday May 20,
2015
In The Long Run We Are All Dead
Tags work, work ethic, existentialism, suffering, death, philosophy, pessimism, Advice, medical
Transcript
Dogbert: As you head to your horrible job, remember these inspirational words... In the long run, we're all dead. Dilbert: That feels like an oversimplification. Dogbert: I skipped the part where you suffer for 90 years.

