Develop Process Comic Strips - Page 3

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118 Results for Develop Process

View 21 - 30 results for develop process comic strips. Discover the best "Develop Process" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #processes, #discussion, #plans, #chicken, #ridicule, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "Today, we'll discuss ways to improve our workflow process." The Boss says ,"As you know, a good process is a substitute for good employees." The Boss says, "The ultimate goal is to simplify our processes so much?" The Boss says, "That we can train chickens to do your jobs in return for pellets." The Boss says, "We'll begin by discussing our process for funding new projects." The Boss says, "Could any part of our process be replaced by, for example, ringing a bell with your beak?" Alice says, "Yes, but only the part that you do." The Boss says, "There's a wrinkle in the plan." Chicken thinks, "Pellet"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #meeting, #circular, #ridiculous, #talking, #explaining, #angry, #annoyed, #business

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to develop a procedure for creating policies." Dilbert says, "Do we have a policy on how to develop procedures?" The Boss says, "I think someone wrote a white paper on that." Dilbert says, "What's the procedure for finding white papers?" The Boss says, "Maybe you could ask around." Later that night Woman says, "So, what do you do?" Dilbert says, "I ask around to see if anyone knows about a white paper that talks about a policy for developing procedures to create policies." Dilbert thinks, "You find that sexy." Woman says, "Stop doing the Jedi mind trick!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #budget, #planning, #Advice, #money, #rant, #ignoring, #thinking

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The boss says, "How much will it cost to develop our next generation product?" Dilbert says, "It will cost whatever you put in the budget." The boss says, "How much should I put in the budget?" Dilbert says, "Ask for the biggest number you think will get approved." Dilbert says, "If we get a lot of money we can build something great." Dilbert says, "If we don't get much money we can build something lame, and compensate for the lack of quality by lying more vigorously than usual." The boss says, "I'll aim low so I don't get yelled at during the executive budget meeting." Dilbert thinks, "I remember the time when this sort of thing would haunt me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #interview, #disappointment, #humiliation, #business

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Dogbert says, "You survived the rigorous interview process, but there are no openings in engineering." Dogbert says, "However, I am prepared to offer you a position in sales." Dilbert says, "You mean a job?" Dogbert says, "No, just a position." Dilbert says, "This took and ugly turn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #blather, #died inprocess, #grossly overpaid, #thwarted takeover

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Dogbert: I thwarted the hostile takeover bid, but your CEO died in the process. Dogbert: I'll find you someone else to blather about quality while being grossly overpaid. Dogbert: I like your look, but can you blather?" Man: Quality is my global added value!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #online budget approval, #process making changes, #classes, #approval process, #budget varience, #broken system, #charges, #cubicle, #billable project, #exaggerating accomplishments

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Dilbert: Out online budget approval system isn't working. There's a process for making changes to the system, but I don't know it. I could take a class to learn the process, but there's also a process for approving classes. I could learn the process for approving classes, but I'd still need approval for a budget variance to take the class. And I can't get that because the online budget approval system is broken. I can't even have this conversation because it will make me charge too much of my engineering time to administrative overhead. So I'll go sit in my cubicle and pretend to be thinking about a billable project. It looks like I'll be exaggerating my accomplishments again this year.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #wall of approval, #heckler, #conceptual bricks, #tough audience, #aggressive, #dislike

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Each department that signs off on the proposal adds a brick to the wall of approval." approval process " Alice: Question: What would happen if I flung one of those conceptual bricks at your conceptual, stupid head? They warned me you were a tough audience. Alice: Fling! Fling!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #develop good attitude, #job, #invigorated, #busy work, #relabel, #toner cartridges, #business

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Asok: "I'm trying to develop a good attitude about my job." "Every morning I tell myself I am invigorated by busywork." The Boss: "Asok, I need you to relabel the toner cartridges." Asok: "Woo-hoo!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vp of marketing, #spray paint the oadkill, #dishonesty, #isn't mortal, #won't work

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Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2007's comic on:


Tags #automated sytem, #arbitrary deadline, #work smarter, #not harder, #sense of urgency, #get work done

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Dilbert: "I can't develop an automated testing system by the arbitrary deadline you set." The Boss: "Try working smarter, not harder, with a sense of urgency, and a bias for action." Dilbert: "Or maybe you could do something differently." The Boss: "I'm not the one who can't get his work done."