Discover Shared Vision Comic Strips - Page 3
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The boss says, "I gave the same assignment to all the employees who look like you." The boss says, "A blind squirrel is more likely to find a nut if there are a lot of blind squirrels." the boss says, "That sounded cruel allow me to rephrase it." the boss says, "I meant vision-impaired squirrels."
Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."
"We're off to see the Wizard of Landfill. He'll give you some ambition and he'll show me how to get home." "Can we go too? I need experience...And he needs a brain, heart, soul, and a strategic vision." "No I don't. You're fired!" "And a job...I need a job."
Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."
"I got a bad case of ergophobia. It's an abnormal and persistent fear of work." "Isn't everything about you a little abnormal and persistent?" "Yeah, but Im still delighted when I discover new words for me."
Dilbert asks a business associate, "Can you get this done in thirty days?" The business associate replies, "Yes, absolutely." The business associate continues, "We'll just travel faster than light to a black hole and discover a doorway in time." Dilbert replies, "That sounds iffy." The business associate says, "Excuse me for being flexible."