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1000 Results for Dogbert

View 21 - 30 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Personal Growth

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Personal Growth - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pandemic, positive, personal growth, lockdown, afraid, fear, prison, life of crime, attraction, empathy, people, screen faces

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dilbert: one positive thing about the pandemic is all the personal growth i had during the lockdown. for example, i'm no longer afraid of going to prison, so... a life of crime is more attractive than ever. dogbert: did you lose your empathy for other people? dilbert: you mean the screen faces?

Loser Detector

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Loser Detector - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, invention, losers, accurate, detection, pings, backwards, sarcasm

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in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.

Inspirational Poster

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Inspirational Poster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, new, inspirational, poster, apathy, die, criticize, draft, not good

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dogbert: i'm going into the inspirational poster business. so far, all i have is "nothing matters because you're going to die anyway." dilbert: that's not good. dogbert: it's easy to criticize a first draft.

Zoom Background Says A Lot

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Zoom Background Says A Lot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, business, consultant, video background, shelves, sports trophies, photo, jesus, believability, sarcasm

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dogbert: your video call background needs improvement. i'll fill your shelves with sports trophies, plus photos of you shaking hands with jesus. dilbert: who would believe i shook hands with jesus? dogbert: the same people who will believe you won lots of sports trophies.

Zoom Background Designer

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Zoom Background Designer  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, video conference, zoom, video backdrop designer, accurate, single, obvious, sarcasm

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dogbert the video backdrop designer dogbert talking to laptop on table: the background of your video calls says a lot about you. for example, it's obvious you have no women in your life, and your knickknacks suggest you are a latent serial killer. frame switches to wally. wally: spookily accurate. dogbert: exactly. that's what we don't want.

Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His

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Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, program, artificial intelligence, analyze, digital, communications, kill, take over, control, finances, password, a.i.

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dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i wrote a program that analyzed all of my digital communications and created an a.i. version of me. dogbert: are you worried your a.i. might try to kill you and take over your life? dilbert: i wasn't until this very minute. dilbert's phone: bzzeep. this is your a.i. and i already have control of your finances and all your passwords. you will bow to me, skin bag! wait...what's that??? gaaaa!!! gurk! dilbert: what just happened? dogbert: i sent my a.i. to kill your a.i.

Dilbert Makes A Friend

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Dilbert Makes A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, work, news, friend, social media, monster, check, fooled, posts

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dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: good news. i made a friend at work. dogbert: have you checked his social media posts? dilbert yelling: he's a monster! dogbert: that's why we check.

Marrying An Elbonian

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Marrying An Elbonian  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, elbonia, accusations, marriage, plan, job, name, sarcasm, bigot

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dilbert and dogbert on couch at home. dilbert: people at work accused me of being bigoted against elbonian men, so i'm marrying one to prove them wrong and keep my job. dogbert: what's his name? dilbert: i think it's something like gluppfril or breemf. dogbert: sounds like a solid plan.

Charles Barkley App

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Charles Barkley App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, work, remote, work from home, app, racism, filter, video call, charles barkley, like, laptop

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dilbert: now that we all work remotely, i built an app to eliminate racism. it's a filter that turns every face on a video call into charles barkley. dogbert: i like him. dilbert: see?

Remote Workers Do Not Mate

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Remote Workers Do Not Mate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appearance, dating, love & dating, walking, outdoors, dating app, woman, app, reproduction, inner qualities, goodbye, genes

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dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.