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Firing Ted

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Firing Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #panic, #suspicious

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Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock. Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people! Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #angry, #business, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: Did you finish the product redesign? Dilbert: You never told me to redesign the product. Boss: I don't want any excuses! Dilbert: You never told me to redesign anything. Boss: Whoa! Leave your pretzel logic at home. You need to learn how to take responsibility for your failures. Dilbert: Okay...I take full responsiblity for you not telling me what you wanted me to do. Boss: You're not doing it right. Dilbert: Should I slap myself while saying it?

Working With Old Ned

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Working With Old Ned - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #elderly, #men and women, #office workers, #old

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Boss: I need you to work with old Ned on this project. He's a little bit old-fashioned, but don't let that get to you. He retires in six months. Alice: I've been asked to work with you. Ned: Women have jobs now? ? ?

Fly On Weekend

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Fly On Weekend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #evil, #cheap

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Boss: I need you to do a customer site visit. Book your flight for the weekend so you don't miss any work. Dilbert: I'm impressed by your casual evil. Boss: Bring your own food.

Afraid Of Alice

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Afraid Of Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employees, #engineering, #fear, #request

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Tina: Did Alice find the data I need? Dilbert: Why don't you ask her? Tina: I'm afraid of her. Dilbert: You're not afraid of me? Tina: I've seen you try to lift a box of printer paper. Dilbert: Paper is heavier than it looks.

Workplace Bully

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Workplace Bully - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #bully, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #threat, #work

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Boss: Cheryl, the other employees are complaining that you're a workplace bully. Cheryl: Hand over your wallet or else I'll tell your boss you tried to give me a shoulder rub. Carol: Did you talk to her? Boss: Don't ever ask me to do anything for your again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #career, #employees, #office, #office workers, #training, #trick, #sabatoge

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Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Dilbert Needs A New Chair

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Dilbert Needs A New Chair  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #chair, #complaining, #criticism, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Dilbert: I need a more ergonomic office chair. Boss: Let me check the budget. Hmm...nope. We don't have a budget for making whiny employees happy. Dilbert: My current chair hurts my back. Boss: It's no picnic for the chair either.

Boss Leads All The Way

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Boss Leads All The Way - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #encouragement, #irritation, #managers & supervisors, #trick, #deadline

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Boss: We'll all need to work around the clock to meet the launch schedule. I'll be leading you every step of the way! Now, don't hate me because I can lead you while I'm home asleep. That's not my fault.

Training By Osmosis

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Training By Osmosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #formal, #training, #job, #absorb, #osmosis, #idiot, #rest, #staff

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The Boss: We don't have formal training for your job. Just hang around and see if you can absorb it through osmosis. Man: I'm an idiot for taking this job. The Boss: You're already thinking like the rest of the staff!