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View 21 - 30 results for dont email comic strips. Discover the best "Dont Email" comics from Dilbert.com.

Not The Smartest

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Not The Smartest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #engineers, #smart, #iterate, #technology, #leadership, #incompetence, #excellence, #sarcasm

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boss: we might not have the smartest engineers, but we can iterate faster than anyone. dilbert: actually, we do have the smartest engineers, but your leadership incompetence cancels out our excellence. dilbert: and i'll bet you don't know what "iterate" means. boss: i didn't think it would matter.

Remote Workforce

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Remote Workforce - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #Lose, #market share, #remote, #workforce, #employees, #micro management, #shoulders, #minute, #coffee, #company, #baffle

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boss: we're losing market share to a company that has a remote workforce. dilbert: how can they be doing so well when the employees don't have someone like you looking over their shoulders every minute? boss: i know its baffling.

Destroy The Competition

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Destroy The Competition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #destroy, #competition, #approve, #violence, #figure of speech, #engineers, #literal, #competitors, #beat, #sticks, #sarcasm, #incite, #figurative, #speech

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boss: we need to destroy our competition! dilbert: i don't approve of violence. boss: i didn't say anything about violence. dilbert: you said "destroy" them. i don't see how that could mean anything else. boss: it was just a figure of speech. dilbert waving arms: we're engineers! you can't use figurative speech with us. we take things literally. so, what exactly is it you want us to do with our competitors? boss: beat them! dilbert: with sticks?

You Make Luck

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You Make Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #luck, #wisdom, #rewiring, #super, #employee, #double, #workload, #brain, #rewire, #monster

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boss: remember, asok, you don't find luck, you go out and make it. asok yelling and waving arms: i feel your wisdom rewiring my brain and turning me into a super-employee! boss: it usually doesn't work this fast. asok: please double my workload, you beautiful monster!

Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible

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Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #cure, #diseases, #doctor, #fail, #headache, #ice-cold bath, #impossible, #improvement, #medical, #prescribe, #sarcasm, #treatments, #health and wellnes

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dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.

The Boss Has An Idea

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The Boss Has An Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #managment, #worldwide, #obvious, #implement, #smart, #people, #remote, #work, #idea

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boss: looks like my idea of remote work is being implemented by management all over the world. dilbert: i don't think that was "our idea" so much as totally obvious to every thinking person. boss: well, maybe. but would they have implemented it? dilbert: i'm going to talk to smart people now.

Cake For Ted

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Cake For Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #cake, #conference, #birthday, #invite, #sarcasm

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wally: we're having cake in the conference room for ted's birthday. dilbert: i don't like ted. wally: no one does. we didn't invite him. dilbert: then why are we having an event for him? wally: we like cake?

Lazy People Are Efficient

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Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #efficient, #projects, #lazy, #assignments, #useful

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wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Alice Needs A Snack

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Alice Needs A Snack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decision, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #break, #hungry, #snack

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alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly

Customers Are Dead People

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Customers Are Dead People  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #customer, #lists, #dead, #alive, #lie, #activist, #sarcasm

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dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.