Efficiency Experts Comic Strips - Page 3
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92 Results for Efficiency Experts
View 21 - 30 results for efficiency experts comic strips. Discover the best "Efficiency Experts" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 28,
2015
Robot Learns To Procreate
Tags robot, mind control, thinking, life, creation, conscience, sentience, manipulation
Transcript
Robot: I figured out how to procreate. Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Robot: I infected you with an idea virus that tells you to build more robots. Boss: Won't work. CEO: Does anyone have an idea for increasing efficiency in our manufacturing process?
Monday October 26,
2015
Employees Keep Agreeing
Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse
Transcript
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?
Saturday October 24,
2015
New Office Layout Will Improve Efficiency
Tags layout, office, desk, work environment, efficiency, catch-22, loophole, laziness, excuse
Transcript
Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.
Wednesday May 13,
2015
Agree With Idiots To Gain Trust
Tags condescention, condescending, agreement, mocking, insult, insulting
Transcript
Boss: Stop agreeing with me in ways that sound like you don't mean it. Dilbert: Experts say one should first agree with idiots to gain trust before trying to change their minds. Boss: You need to stop doing that. Dilbert: You are so right about that.
Tuesday May 12,
2015
Agreeing Like Disagreeing
Tags criticism, respect, disrespect, Opinion, arguing, argument
Transcript
Dilbert: Experts say I should show respect for your opinion before voicing disagreement. So I respect your decision to release our product without user interface testing. Boss: Your respect sounds exactly like disrespect. Dilbert: How is that my fault?
Sunday April 12,
2015
Tags leadership, praise, admiration, anger, compliments
Transcript
Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.
Thursday January 08,
2015
Showering In Tube Clothes
Tags clothes, clothing, efficiency, engineers, laundry, nerd, tube clothes, shower, shower drain
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered that I can wear my tube clothing in the shower! It's like doing laundry and taking a shower at the same time! I can add one more efficiency, but I'd need to replumb the shower drain. Tina: Please stop talking!!!
Friday January 02,
2015
Dilbert Meets The Mom
Tags dating, low standards, meeting people, parents, mother, efficiency, ebola, shake hands, Family, relationships
Transcript
Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!
Sunday October 26,
2014
Tags deception, email, insulting, intelligence, iq, trickery, work ethic, obession, addiction, work smarter, text, efficiency
Transcript
Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.
Friday September 26,
2014
Tags anxiety, bad advice, projects, work load, freaking out, tackle, unpleasant tasks first, wrong order
Transcript
Dilbert: I have too many projects. I'm freaking out. Boss: Experts say you should tackle the most unpleasant tasks first, so you have a feeling of accomplishment and control. Dilbert: Now I have too many projects and some extra anxiety that I'm doing them in the wrong order. Boss: Off you go.

