Eliminate Your Project Comic Strips - Page 3

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666 Results for Eliminate Your Project

View 21 - 30 results for eliminate your project comic strips. Discover the best "Eliminate Your Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Dilbert Can Help

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How Dilbert Can Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #project, #criticism, #option, #boss, #worthless

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Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.

Dilbert Offers To Help

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Dilbert Offers To Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #help, #project, #sucker, #woman employee

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Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!

Ted Tries To Sabotage

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Ted Tries To Sabotage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #carol, #ted, #sabotage, #project, #insecure

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Carol: Ted is trying to sabotage my project because he is so insecure. Dilbert: Is it possible you're imagining all of that and he is just doing his job? Carol: I was hoping you'd be supportive. Dilbert: I like to be on the winning side.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Can't Remember Wally's Project

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Can't Remember Wally's Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #obliviousness, #bluff, #managers

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Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

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Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

Wally's Best Play

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Wally's Best Play - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #deadline

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Wally: There are many, many reasons why my project is late and over budget. Boss: Do any of those reasons not involve your incompetence and sloth? Wally: I think my best play here is to be offended by the question.

Decentralization Changes Everything

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Decentralization Changes Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #bitcoin, #ethereum project, #decentralization, #currency, #money, #economics, #blockchain, #obliviousness, #jargon, #lingo

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Boss: Decentralization will change everything. Dilbert: Such as? Boss: Well... for example, um... the bitcoin and the Ethereum. Alice: Did you recently read an article? Boss: Some of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

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Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!