Search Results for "engineering secret"

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Device Can Read Minds

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Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

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Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

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Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Arguing With Idiots

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Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.

Terrible Personality

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Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

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Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

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Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

How To Use Personality Profiles

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How To Use Personality Profiles  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #personality test, #personaity, #privacy, #memory, #forgetfulness, #absent mindedness

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Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code

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Backdoor Into Self Driving Car Code  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #government, #back door, #self driving, #software, #kill terrorits, #traitor, #engineering

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Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices

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Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?

Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers

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Swear On The Lives Of Your Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #lying, #swearing, #exaggeration, #deception, #accomplishment

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Wally: I achieved all of my milestones on my secret project this month. Boss: How do I know any of that is true? Wally: I swear on the lives of my coworkers. Boss: I'm getting a mixed message here.