Ever Comic Strips - Page 3
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343 Results for Ever
View 21 - 30 results for ever comic strips. Discover the best "Ever" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday May 22,
2019
Wally Has Best Excuse
Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #success
Transcript
wally: i was tempted to succeed this week, but i caught myself in time. wally: success would improve my odds of mating, and i don't think you want more people like me in this world. the boss: that is officially the best excuse for not working that i have ever heard. wally: shhh! don't compliment me in public!
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Tuesday April 23,
2019
Wally And The Management Track
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers
Transcript
wally: how can i get on the management track? catbert: are you kidding me? catbert: you are the most useless employee i have ever seen. all you do is walk around and bother people who are trying to work. wally: are you saying i can't get on the management track? catbert: i'm saying you're already on it.
Sunday March 17,
2019
Tags #failure, #inventions, #office workers, #power, #science, #success
Transcript
Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years. Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be. Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it? Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far. Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response. Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment. Dilbert: And there it is.
Wednesday January 16,
2019
Hiring A Millennial
Tags #employees, #office workers, #sarcasm, #smartphone, #generation, #millennial
Transcript
Boss: I hired a millennial who was raised by smartphones. He won't make eye contact, and we don't expect him to ever mate. Dilbert: Can he speak? Boss: Yes, but only with sarcasm.
Monday December 31,
2018
New Year Resolution
Tags #holidays, #new year, #sarcasm, #weight, #new year's resolutions
Transcript
Carol: Do you have any New Year's resolutions? Dilbert: I resolve to not make major decisions about my life based on random calendar dates. Carol: So...nothing about your weight? Dilbert: Worst holiday ever.
Saturday December 01,
2018
Workplace Bully
Tags #boss, #bully, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #threat, #work
Transcript
Boss: Cheryl, the other employees are complaining that you're a workplace bully. Cheryl: Hand over your wallet or else I'll tell your boss you tried to give me a shoulder rub. Carol: Did you talk to her? Boss: Don't ever ask me to do anything for your again.
Sunday October 14,
2018
Tags #carol, #Wally, #computer, #problem, #crumbs, #crosstalk, #protocols, #help
Transcript
Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.
Wednesday September 12,
2018
Social Media Ads To Influence
Tags #Dilbert, #brain-reading, #computer, #social media, #profile, #friends, #testing, #influence, #cyborg, #ridiculous, #phone
Transcript
Dilbert: My brain-reading computer is checking your social media profile and finding your friends. I am now testing social media posts to see which ones influence them to recommend that to you date a cyborg. Woman: That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever. Dilbert: check your phone.
Tuesday September 11,
2018
Resistance Is Futile
Tags #Dilbert, #invention, #thoughts, #computer, #commands, #individual, #part, #collective, #internet, #sexy, #resistance, #futile
Transcript
Dilbert: My invention can read my thoughts and turn them into computer commands. I'm no longer an individual. Now I'm part of the collective internet mind. Woman: That is the least sexy thing I have ever heard. Dilbert:
Thursday August 30,
2018
Unmotivated Staff
Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #wrong, #leadership, #skills
Transcript
The Boss: A few months ago, I realized my staff was unmotivated and working on all the wrong things. It took all of my leadership skills to get them motivated again. Catbert: Are they still doing the wrong things? The Boss: Faster than ever.