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Paying The Replacement More

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Paying The Replacement More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

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dilbert: if i were to quit, you would have to pay my replacement more than you are paying me. dilbert: wouldn't it be more fair to give me a raise to stay? the boss: how would that be fair to your replacement?

Be More Like Alice

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Be More Like Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #complain, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you didn't do anything noteworthy this year. dilbert: it only seems that way because i'm so good at my job that i make it look easy and never complain. alice visually upset and yelling: my job is a nightmare!!! the boss: why can't you be more like alice?

Potluck Celebration

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Potluck Celebration - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #potluck, #friday, #team, #celebration

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the boss in meeting: i scheduled a potluck to celebrate the team's success. dilbert: a potluck is more like a penalty than a celebration. dilbert: but i guess it's better than working. the boss: it starts at 8 pm on friday.

Have To Think About It

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Have To Think About It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers

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Dilbert: Do you like my idea? Boss: I need to think about it. Dilbert: You mean you plan to wait a few weeks and then act as if it was your idea? Boss: Now that idea I like right away.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #exercise & fitness, #frustration, #lunch, #office workers, #time, #walking, #coworkers

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Dilbert: Would you like to take a long walk with me at lunch to get some exercise? Tina: That's a great idea! Dilbert: Okay, I'll come get you at noon. Ready? Tina: Yes, I only need ten minutes to finish this. Dilbert: I only have an hour for lunch, and your ten minutes will turn into twenty. Tina: That's okay because I wore heels today and I can't walk more than a block anyway. Dilbert: Why did you agree to take a long walk if you couldn't take a long walk? Tina: Because I was planning to walk to the store on the corner to do an errand anyway. Dilbert: You've ruined my walk! Tina: Just give me forty minutes to wrap this up.

Co2 Scrubber Too Efficient

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Co2 Scrubber Too Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #earth, #mistake, #plants, #technology, #inventions, #atmosphere

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Dilbert: I've developed a super-efficient device that scrubs CO2 out of the air. But the user has to remember to turn it off after a few days or else it will remove too much CO2 and destroy all life on Earth. Man: Hey, who left this thing unplugged?

Thankless Tasks

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Thankless Tasks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2019's comic on:


Tags #career, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #optimism

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Man: My career goal is to have a job with greater recognition, autonomy, and a sense of purpose. Boss: We'll miss you. Man: I was hoping to get that stuff here. Boss: We're more about thankless tasks.

More Accurate Job Description

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More Accurate Job Description - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #frustration, #jobs, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Dilbert: I updated my job description to be more accurate. Boss: "I try to do something and then I get interrupted a jillion times until the thing no longer matters." Sounds like you need some extra micro-managing. Dilbert: I have to take this call.

Being More Nimble

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Being More Nimble - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: We need to be more innovative and more nimble. That's why I created a task force to consider forming a project team to write a white paper on how to start. Dilbert: Maybe they can fix you first. Boss: You can't fix perfect.

Sabotage The Plan

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Sabotage The Plan  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #plan, #sabatoge, #incompetent

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Dilbert: We know our boss's plan is a bad idea, but it's our job to execute anyway. Wally: Maybe we should try to sabotage the plan by being incompetent. Dilbert: Since when do you need a reason to be incompetent? Wally: It's more of a "nice but not necessary" situation.