Fire Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
221 Results for Fire
View 21 - 30 results for fire comic strips. Discover the best "Fire" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 02,
2019
Toxic Employee Was Right
Tags business, employees, fire, managers & supervisors
Transcript
boss: does anyone have any suggestions for improving our company culture? dilbert: for starters, you could fire the toxic employee you hired for no good reason. boss whispers to toxic employee: you were right about dilbert being a hater. toxic employee: you should hear what he says about you.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday July 29,
2019
Can't Succeed Within The Rules
Tags business, failure, managers & supervisors, rules, success
Transcript
dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.
Monday July 22,
2019
Half Are Doing All The Work
Tags business, employees, employment, fire, work
Transcript
boss: according to experts, about half of all employees are typically doing 100% of the work. i plan to beat the system by firing half of you. dilbert: wouldn't you need to keep firing half of whoever was left until you were down to one employee? boss: yes, but imagine how hard he will work.
Sunday July 07,
2019
Layoff Package
Tags business, fire, office, office workers, buyout
Transcript
dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.
Saturday May 18,
2019
Saving Babies
Tags business, office, office workers, reputation, fire
Transcript
dilbert: I have been cleared of all allegations against me, but where do i go to get my reputation back? dogbert: i recommend running into a burning building to save a baby. dilbert: what if no buildings are on fire? dogbert: have you heard of matches?
Sunday May 12,
2019
Tags bugs, business, fire, office, office workers, quit, system
Transcript
ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.
Thursday January 03,
2019
Firing Ted
Tags boss, managers & supervisors, office, office workers, panic, suspicious
Transcript
Boss: Ted, come to my office at five o'clock. Ted: Gaaa!!! That's what you say when you plan to fire people! Boss: Don't be ridiculous. Also, bring your keys.
Friday December 21,
2018
Contacting The Alien Probe
Tags aliens, communication, earth, space, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: We're ready to fire up our laser communication technology to contact the alien probe heading to Earth. Boss: Is the alien probe unmanned? Dilbert: It is now.
Sunday November 18,
2018
Tags boss, engineering, frustration, managers & supervisors, office workers, work, schedule
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.
Monday October 15,
2018
Everyone Else Is Worthless
Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work
Transcript
The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.


