First Employee To Fail Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for first employee to fail comic strips. Discover the best "First Employee To Fail" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Reimagined More

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Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #unnecessary, #job, #budget, #sarcasm

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boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Wally Answers Texts Later

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Wally Answers Texts Later  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #lazy, #working, #ignore, #text, #email, #response, #data

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asok: i rarely see you working. how do you get away with it? wally: it's easy. i just wait a day before answering any texts or emails. for example, here's alice asking if i can attend a meeting in an hour. i'll answer her in the morning and say i didn't see her message. And here's dilbert asking me for some data. tomorrow, i will text him to ask for clarification, and he will tell me he found the data on his own. asok: don't you feel guilty? wally: nah. they'd do the same to me. asok: and do they? wally: they would if i didn't ignore them first.

First Astronaut

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First Astronaut - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #astronaut, #business, #coffee, #division, #face mask, #honor, #question, #safety, #space, #technology, #test, #mars

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carol: our space division asked if you would accept the honor of being their first astronaut to mars. boss: i didn't know they had even tested it for safety yet. carol: he asked too many questions.

Working From Home

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Working From Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #distractions, #estimate, #family issues, #ipad, #video conferencing, #yelling, #zoom, #technology

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dilbert video conferencing: when do you think you can get me that estimate? employee on zoom yelling: get off the couch with your shoes! no! no! no! do not throw the iPad! aaah! i am going to strangle you! dilbert: how do you like working at home? employee still yelling: i'm on a zoom call! i said i'm on a call!!!

No Mask For Zoom Call

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No Mask For Zoom Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #zoom, #video conferencing, #face mask, #clinical, #study, #easy, #hate, #coffee

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dilbert video conferencing: you don't need a mask for a Zoom call. employee: can you back up that claim with a randomized clinical study? dilbert: i've noticed it's a lot easier to hate people lately.

Wally's Restroom Time

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Wally's Restroom Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #covid-19, #managers & supervisors, #responsibility, #employee, #tracker, #men's room, #social distancing, #business, #face mask

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boss: according to my employee tracker, you spent 45 minutes in stall four of the men's room today. wally: i thought you said the purpose of tracking us was to ensure social distancing. boss: i think you have to accept some responsibility for believing it.

Chip For Tracking

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Chip For Tracking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #chip, #track, #employee, #badge, #convenience, #excuse, #coincedence, #face mask, #sarcasm

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boss: we are adding a chip to your employee badges so we can track your social distancing. dilbert: that sounds like a convenient excuse to do something you've always wanted to do anyway. boss: that's probably a coincidence.

Augmented Reality

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Augmented Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #introduction, #reality, #glasses, #social media, #history, #impressions, #dumb, #face mask

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girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!

Lifetime Of Being Wrong

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Lifetime Of Being Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #wrong, #decision, #career, #assess, #life, #sarcasm, #face mask

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dilbert: i think you're wrong. co-worker: what error did i make? dilbert: i'm basing my decision on your entire career of being wrong about everything. i hope i'm not the first person to point that out. co-worker: give a minute to reassess my entire life.

Not A Monopoly

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Not A Monopoly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #senior managment, #ceo, #government, #monopoly, #product, #essential, #modern, #life, #competition, #company, #compete, #buy out, #fail, #face mask

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ceo: the government is threatening to regulate us like a monopoly. boss: are we not a monopoly? ceo: we are simply a company that makes an essential product for modern life, and we have no real competition. boss: that sounds like a monopoly. ceo: no, we are not because other companies could compete with us if they wanted. boss: and of they tried? ceo: as soon as they got some traction we'd buy them and shut them down. dilbert: so... they would fail every time. ceo: but they could try.