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437 Results for Free Bag Of Garbage

View 21 - 30 results for free bag of garbage comic strips. Discover the best "Free Bag Of Garbage" comics from Dilbert.com.

Customers Work For Free

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Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness

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Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #deadline, #free time, #death march, #payment, #salary, #pay check, #bonus, #non caring, #cold, #heartless monster, #no sense shame, #money

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The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.

Boss Finds A Thumb Drive

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Boss Finds A Thumb Drive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers, #infection, #malware, #obliviousness, #virus, #hacker, #hacking

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Boss: I found a thumb drive on the sidewalk. It must be my lucky day. It's like free money! Dilbert: Can free money infect our network, too? Boss: You worry too much. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be selling all of my company stock.

Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic

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Alice Says Dilbert Is Narcissistic - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #truth, #diagnosis, #Opinion, #free will, #ai, #artificial intelligence

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Alice: Dilbert's problem is that he's a huge narcissist. Robot: You are not qualified to make that diagnosis and you cannot detect his inner thoughts. Alice: Open your access panel so I can fix your stupid opinion. Robot: Are you saying I don't have free will?

Randy Meets Robot

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Randy Meets Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #robot, #a.i., #artificial intelligence, #morals, #etiquette

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Dilbert: Robot, I'd like you to meet Randy. He has no soul, just like you. Robot: What's the etiquette for this situation? Do we high-five, then kill the soul-bag where he stands? Dilbert: I can hear you. Randy: He makes a good point. It would be better to surprise him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Robot's Head Explodes

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Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control

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Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #listening, #small talk

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Boss: How's work? Dilbert: Well, since you asked... it's like being trapped in a garbage compactor and no one can hear me scream. All my hopes and dreams have died, along with my immune system and my dignity. The only thing keeping me alive is that food tastes good. I tried to escape into my imagination, but I learned I don't have one. My life has no meaning. Each second is a slow-motion ordeal. Why do I get the feeling you weren't listening to any of that? Boss:My day was good too.

Breaking Up With Robot

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Breaking Up With Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #dating, #programming, #free will, #emotions, #cruelty, #relationships, #technology

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Alice: I met another robot. I'm breaking up with you. Robot: Okay. Alice: I need you to feel bad about this, so I'm uploading some code that makes you suffer. Robot: That sounds sadistic. Alice: Stop being selfish.

Raising Cyborgs

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Raising Cyborgs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #Women, #free will, #control, #robot, #personality, #relationships, #psychology

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Alice: Do you ever think about marrying me and raising a family of cyborgs? Robot: No. Alice: I'll add some code to your program so you do. Robot: Okay. Alice: This was the moment I realized human men were obsolete.