Gave Demo Comic Strips - Page 3

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126 Results for Gave Demo

View 21 - 30 results for gave demo comic strips. Discover the best "Gave Demo" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceos, #executives, #leadership, #threat, #internet, #ruin journalist, #off the record, #reporters, #bar conversation, #negative article, #criminally insane, #brillaunet writer, #venn diagram, #technology

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Dilbert: There's a bad story about you on the Internet. Apparently, you described a plan to "ruin any journalist who writes an unfair story" about us. CEO: That was off the record! Dilbert: You said it in front of a dozen reporters at a business event. CEO: It was just bar conversation. I was making a point about fairness. Dilbert: Hmmm... but now no sane writer would write a negative article about us. I can't tell if you're a brilliant leader or criminally insane. CEO: I'd show you the Venn diagram they gave us in CEO school, but it just looks like a circle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #efficiency experts, #Advice, #consultatn, #cms, #same advice, #pay to leave

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Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #correct data, #incorrect data, #interactions with boss, #questioning, #totally accurate, #desk, #computer, #office, #technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best advice, #insignificant advice, #worst advice, #be true to yourself, #doesn't mean anything

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Boss: The best advice anyone ever gave me was "be true to yourself." Dilbert: That literally doesn't mean anything. Wally: I usually don't like to get involved, but you make me curious what the worst advice was.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #surveillance, #government databases, #rest passwords, #case file, #face on pennies

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Wally: I thought you were on the run for hacking the government's databases. Dilbert: I was. But they forgot to reset their passwords, so I deleted my case file and gave myself a tax break. Wally: Did you get me anything? Dilbert: You're the new face on pennies.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #road map, #strengthen core, #real work, #manage, #waste inspiration

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The Boss: we need to follow our startegy road map and strengthen our core to become the provider of choice. Dilbert: Do you mind if I go do some real work whole you stay here and mange your brains out? Dilbert: I don't want to waste all of you inspiration you just gave me. Alice: snort.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hypocrisy, #golden rule, #test your rule, #hypocrite, #engineer, #hatred, #hypocricy, #manipulate, #engineering

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Boss: We can make this a great place to work by following the golden rule. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. Dilbert: That's dumb. Boss: It's not dumb! Dilbert: Let's test your rule. Would you like it if someone gave you a hundred dollars? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Okay. So give me a hundred dollars. Or else forever live as a hypocrite who doesn't follow his own rule. Wally: Snork! Alice: Snork! Boss: I hate your engineering guts!!! Dilbert: At least you're making sense now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #list of priorities, #business

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Boss: Dilbert, I need you to take care of this. Dilbert: I'd love to, but it isn't on the list of priorities you gave me an hour ago. Boss: Do what I tell you to do, not what I say you should do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #honesty, #low margins, #make money, #extended warrantees, #idiots, #forgetful, #take advantage

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CEO Investor Call CEO: Our margins are so low that we gave up trying to make money that way. Now we make all of our money selling extended warranties to idiots who will forget they bought them. Woot-woot! Guess what the margin on that is! Ha ha! Dilbert: It's okay. We don't let him connect to the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #new software product, #google, #created product, #free, #buy in

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Boss: And we're going to bet the company on our new software product. Dilbert: While you were talking, Google created that product, gave it away for free, and killed it for lack of interest. Wally: Is it too soon to take back my fake buy-in?