Gigantic Database Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

55 Results for Gigantic Database

View 21 - 30 results for gigantic database comic strips. Discover the best "Gigantic Database" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"You've had fifteen jobs in two months. How can I be sure you're not a job hopper?" "Maybe I change jobs a lot. And maybe I have gigantic rabbit ears. But does that make me a hopper?" "Okay, okay, you're hired." "I am so sick of this place!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Phew! That was a nice four-mile walk. "Refreshing!" "Want to watch some TV?" "After I finish this call." Dogbert's Tech Support "Thanks for holding. There's nothing in the database about your kind of problem." @#$%!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #human resources, #assistant manager, #simialr, #slightly worse, #wouldn't be threat, #data base, #both hideous, #criminally insane, #hate cats, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #erased data base, #laptop, #prototype, #blamed boss, #set up boss, #erased, #screamed

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: "La-la-la-la-la... oops." "I inadvertently erased our entire customer database and all of the backups." "How can I explain this to our pointy-haired boss?" "Grab your laptop and follow me." "It's only a prototype. So whatever you do, don't touch anything." "GAAa!!! YOU ERASED THE CUSTOMER DATABASE!!" "ALL OF THE BACKUPS, TOO, YOU STUPID, STUPID #*@!*!" "I should've stopped before #*@!*!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pointy haired boss, #problem, #project, #upgrade denied, #stupid resolution, #extra disc space, #conscioussness

View Transcript

Transcript

"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pleasure seeking orons, #shard filled donuts, #delicious, #40 thousand caloire

View Transcript

Transcript

"My company is selling gigantic, shard-filled doughnuts with forty thousand calories apiece." "It's based on Dogbert's theory that people are pleasure-seeking morons." "How does it taste?" "Delicious! I have one for you strapped to my car"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctor dogbert show, #big woman, #little man, #tv show, #freak show, #man, #hot dog bun, #doll like husband, #interview, #tv camera

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor Dogbert Show Dogbert: Today we'll meet a couple who have a common problem. Big woman: I make him sleep in a gigantic hot dog bun. Dogbert: Can I see it? Man: No... please big woman: And the problem is that he snores.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #make changes, #skills database, #know as guy, #avoid work, #too much work

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work three hours, #quality of life, #gigantic raise, #good time

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: "Would it be okay if I worked three hours a week?" "Any more than three and my quality of life takes a steep dive." "Secondly, is this a good time to talk about a gigantic raise?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer diservice program, #tech supprt, #stretched telephone, #cleansed online support, #useful articles, #support groups, #train customers

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."