Good Employees Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for good employees comic strips. Discover the best "Good Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Worst Place To Work

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Worst Place To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags barrel, best, business, dead, employees, employment, place, publication, squirrels, technology, trade, work, sarcasm

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boss in board room: a trade publication ranked us dead last on their list of "best places to work." the review says, "employees say working there is like eating a barrel of dead squirrels." boss: could have been worse. dilbert: only for the squirrels.

Tricking Employees

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Tricking Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, reward, business, performance, punish, good, bad, work, tricking, employment

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catbert to boss: you've tried rewarding good performance and punishing bad. but have you tried tricking employees into working hard? boss: no, can you teach me? catbert to asok: remember, hard work is its own reward. asok: is it?

Sarcasm Or Stupidity

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Sarcasm Or Stupidity - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, suggestion, idea, dumb, sarcasm, stupidity, good, questions

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dilbert: was your suggestion meant to be sarcasm, or are you so dumb you think it is a good idea? co-worker: i think it's a good idea. dilbert: i have no further questions.

Internal Audit

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Internal Audit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, audit, accounting, internal, shoo, great, job

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auditor: i'll be performing an internal audit of your department. boss: there are no audit problems here because i won't let you look for them. shoo! auditor: that's good enough for me. can you tell my boss i did a great job?

Fraud Presenter

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Fraud Presenter  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, presentation, incorrect, fraud, exposed, resignation, immediate, meeting, won

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co-worker making a presentation with graph. wally: is it a coincidence that the only part of your presentation i understand is also clearly wrong? co-worker: well, you caught me. i'm actually a fraud. i offer my resignation, effective immediately. goodbye. wally to dilbert: this is the first time i ever won a meeting. i have to say, it feels good.

Lazy People Are Efficient

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Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, efficient, projects, lazy, assignments, useful

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wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Dogbert The Bitcoin Billionaire

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Dogbert The Bitcoin Billionaire - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, pandemic, billionaire, covert, plan, rule, planet, progress, sarcasm

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dilbert: this pandemic has been hard for all of us. dogbert: not me. i became a bitcoin billionaire and made progress on my covert plan of ruling over the planet. dilbert: why am i just hearing this? dogbert: because i'm good at it.

Alice Needs A Snack

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Alice Needs A Snack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decision, managers & supervisors, meeting, break, hungry, snack

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alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly

Teamwork But

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Teamwork But - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, business, teamwork, limit, competition, salary, funds, battle, meeting, thinking, sarcasm

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boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.