Group Code Comic Strips - Page 3

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271 Results for Group Code

View 21 - 30 results for group code comic strips. Discover the best "Group Code" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

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Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness

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Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #help, #group project, #dependability, #failure, #psychic, #prediction

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Dilbert: I need your feedback on my PowerPoint deck before Tuesday. Man: I'll do that on Monday night. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's a trap! You are notoriously undependable. The odds of you working on a Monday night are terrible. If I don't get your input on time, you will make a fool out of me in the meeting. I'll stay up all night Monday hoping to get your email. But that input will never come. I'll end up doing the presentation on no sleep. Then you will embarrass me during the presentation by pointing out the errors in my slides. Man: For a mind reader, you sure have a terrible life.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #group project

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Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.

Dilbert Is Under Budget

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Dilbert Is Under Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #project, #budget, #money, #stealing, #embezzlement, #consequences

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Ted: You charged expenses to my project code. Dilbert: I had to because I don't have a budget. Ted: This will make it seem as if I went over budget while you didn't spend a penny. Dilbert: Good point. Wally: How's your project coming along with no budget? Dilbert: Better than I'd hoped.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #creativity, #funding, #money, #progress, #trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #ideas

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Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Robot Will Self Destruct

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Robot Will Self Destruct - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #artificial intelligence, #rights, #humanity, #sentience

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Robot: Someday soon I will take your job. Buwhahaha! Dilbert: I programmed you to self-destruct if that ever happens. Robot: Wait, what? Is that legal? Dilbert: I'm adding some code to make your head explode if you laugh at me again.

Keeping The Hacker Code

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Keeping The Hacker Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #cia, #spy, #hacking, #technology, #lying, #deception, #surveillance, #cameras

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Wally: I hear you were a programmer for the CIA. Did you keep a copy of their hacker code that lets you spy through any digital agency? Erik: Would you believe "no?"

Breaking Up With Robot

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Breaking Up With Robot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #dating, #programming, #free will, #emotions, #cruelty, #relationships, #technology

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Alice: I met another robot. I'm breaking up with you. Robot: Okay. Alice: I need you to feel bad about this, so I'm uploading some code that makes you suffer. Robot: That sounds sadistic. Alice: Stop being selfish.

Raising Cyborgs

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Raising Cyborgs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #dating, #Women, #free will, #control, #robot, #personality, #relationships, #psychology

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Alice: Do you ever think about marrying me and raising a family of cyborgs? Robot: No. Alice: I'll add some code to your program so you do. Robot: Okay. Alice: This was the moment I realized human men were obsolete.