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"My accomplishement this month was opening a file that someone e-mailed." "That took an entire month?" "It wasn't that easy. I didn't have the right software to open the file." "I tried to download the viewer from the Internet but the Web site didn't support my browser." "And I couldn't upgrade my browser until I updated my operating system!" "That required me to upgrade all of my software, too." "My hard disk got maxed out, so I had to upgrade my computer and transfer all of the files." "So, then you got to view the file?" "Yeah...It was a funny one about a cat."
Dilmon: "While you're here, be a dear and run some CAT-5 to my walk-in closet so I can watch my shows when I'm in there." Dilbert: "I've notived that you only invite me over when you need a cable pulled." Dilmon: "I don't want to put a bug in your salad, but I will." Dilbert: "I'm glad we had this talk."
Alice: "Can you tell me who complained about my off-color e-mail joke? Catbert: "No, no, no." "All conversations with human resources are strictly confidential." "Wally, wally, wally, wally, wally, wally, wally..."
A female coworker asks Dilbert, "Would it be okay if I asked your mindless replica for a date?" The coworker continues, "I'm full of uninteresting stories and I need a guy who's a good listener." The coworker and the Visibuddy are at dinner. The coworker says, "Now I'll describe the clothing of each person at the cat show." The Visibuddy hits himself in the head with a fork, "Thunk!"
The Boss and Dilbert are still in barrels. The Boss says, "Set up a meeting with the customer so we can demonstrate our technology." Dilbert responds, "It's humiliating because we're so poor now. What will I feed them?" Dilbert pours cat food into bowls for the customers. He says, "If you think the food is great, wait until you see our technology!"
Alice says to Tina, "This is a list of our executives who sold stock before announcing bankruptcy." Alice continues, "My plan is to bring each executive to the roof, hold him by the ankles, and shake." Tina stands on the sidewalk with an open bag. Money and personals fall from the roof. Tina says, "Ooh! A cat comb!"
Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert is seen through a TV screen. He says, "If your core holding is a falling knife, you can dollar cost average through the dead cat bounce." A man is watching TV on his couch. Dogbert's voice continues, "My secret economic model says you should change your cash allocation from 12.4% to 12.3%." Dogbert and the TV interviewer are seen through a spilt screen on the TV. Dogbert says, "My new book is, 'If you aren't churning, you aren't learning." The interviewer replies, "Don't come back."
THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters, holding up a picture of a cat, says, "This cat will say something." Pete Peters, holding up a picture of another cat, says, "Then this other cat will say, 'Yeah, right.' It's like sarcasm." The Boss howls with laughter, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says to Wally, "This explains so much."
Ted asks, "Am I fired?" The Boss, sitting at his desk, answers, "Of course not, Ted. I enjoy e-mailed jokes as much as anyone." Ted smiles as The Boss says, "I'm still laughing about your 'Top Ten Signs That Your Boss Is a Hairless Rodent'." The Boss says, "I asked you here to discuss the reclassification of your job." The Boss says, "Starting today, the job requires a Ph.D. Feel free to apply for your own job." Ted says, "Whew! Luckily, I have a Ph.D." The Boss says, "You do? Well, the job also requires an Olympic Gold Medal." Holding up the medal around his neck, Ted says, "Synchronized Swimming, 1992." The Boss says, "And a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor."