Half Of Life Comic Strips - Page 3

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520 Results for Half Of Life

View 21 - 30 results for half of life comic strips. Discover the best "Half Of Life" comics from Dilbert.com.

Show Interest In Employees

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Show Interest In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appointment, business, doctor, employees, hate, interest, leave, life, managers & supervisors, prank, question

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alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.

Bet My Life On It

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Bet My Life On It  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags relationship, office, business, argue, agree, life

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dogbert: are you sure? boss: i'd bet my life on it. dogbert: i'd bet your life on it, too. dogbert: i'd win either way. dogbert: i can't tell if we're agreeing.

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, questions, job market, engineers, baker, mortuary, assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Price Gouging

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Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, network, idiot, price, gouging, upgrade

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vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.

Making World Better Place

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Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, money, meeting, employees, taxes, cancer, sarcasm

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boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!

Time Travel By Printer

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Time Travel By Printer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, presentation, technolgy, molecular, scan, body, brain, time travel, 3d print, meeting

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dilbert giving a presentation: i invented a device that can scan your body and brain at molecular level. now you can time travel by killing yourself and leaving instructions to 3d-print you back to life in the future when the technology is able. response: where will you find anyone dumb enough to test it? dilbert: have you ever attended a meeting at this company?

Work Life Balance

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Work Life Balance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interviewee, interview, employer, company, healthy, work, life, balance, victim

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boss: tell me what you are looking for in an employer interviewee in suit: i want a company that appreciates a healthy work-life balance. boss: you have a bit of a victim vibe interviewee: i was hoping that didn't show

Project Update

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Project Update - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, project, update, plan, read, imaginary

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boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary

Comic Like Dilbert

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Comic Like Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Entertainment, Comic, simulation, life, superior, being

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dilbert: i'm freaking out because i just learned there's a comic strip called "dilbert" that is exactly like my life. and look - this is exactly what i did today. it's as if i'm a simulation created by a superior being. dogbert: uh-oh, he's on-to me.

Read The Manual

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Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, frustrated, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology

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Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.