Hire A Big Name Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

747 Results for Hire A Big Name

View 21 - 30 results for hire a big name comic strips. Discover the best "Hire A Big Name" comics from Dilbert.com.

Reducing Headcount By Attrition

Thank you for voting.
Reducing Headcount By Attrition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #injury, #layoff, #osha, #safety

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: We need to reduce headcount, but we plan to do it by attrition. We're loosening our safety standards and letting nature do the rest. Voice: Gaaa!!! Ouch!!! CEO: You might want to keep your headphones on for a week or so.

Ted Cross Trains

Thank you for voting.
Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #cross-training, #fired, #firing, #unemployment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.

Two People Named Tina

Thank you for voting.
Two People Named Tina  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #name, #insult, #name-calling

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We have two people named Tina at this meeting. To avoid any confusion, I will be assigning them nicknames. Carol: Who did that to you? Boss: Big Tina.

Changing Company Name

Thank you for voting.
Changing Company Name - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hacker, #hacking, #privacy, #facebook, #retaliation, #data, #breach

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our customers are complaining because we let hackers get their personal data. So we've decided to change the name of the company and wear disguises until it all blows over. Take a mustache from the bag and pass it around.

Massive Data Breach

Thank you for voting.
Massive Data Breach  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #data, #facebook, #privacy, #apology, #statement, #big business, #lying, #damage control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We had a massive data breach. Hackers got into the private data of all of our customers. Boss: No problem. We'll issue a press release that says we're sorry and it will never happen again. Dilbert: That's what we said the last three times it happened. Boss: Our strategy is to wear them down.

Customers Work For Free

Thank you for voting.
Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

Kicking Brains Into The River

Thank you for voting.
Kicking Brains Into The River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #surveillance, #photo, #evidence, #identity, #guilt, #proof

View Transcript

Transcript

Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

Value Of An Employee's Life

Thank you for voting.
Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!