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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #climate change, #carbon dioxide, #emissions, #global warming, #environmental issues

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Boss: I invited a climate scientist to explain the risk of climate change to our company. Man: Human activity is warming the earth and will lead to a global catastrophe. Dilbert: How do scientists know that? Man: It's easy. We start with the basic science of physics and chemistry. Then we measure changes in temperature and CO2 over time. We put that data into dozens of different climate models and ignore the ones that look wrong to us. Then we take that output and run it through long-term economic models of the sort that have never been right. Dilbert: What if I don't trust the economic models? Man: Who hired the science denier?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real

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Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2016's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions

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CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.

Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones

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Dogber Pr Firm Helps With Phones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #safety, #product, #pr, #public relations, #battery, #samsung, #explosion, #danger

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Boss: We hired The Dogbert Public Relations Firm to help us with our exploding phone problem. Dogbert: We have two choices. We can either recall all of the phones, or we can convince people that having one ear is cool. Boss: Recalls are expensive. Dogbert: Okay, the Van Gogh strategy it is.

New Website Developer

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New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

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Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Team Interview

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Team Interview - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #managers, #interviews, #employment, #honesty, #candor, #warning

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Team Interview. Dilbert: To be perfectly honest, Bob, you are unqualified to work here. Bob: Your boss already hired me. He told me to talk to you so you'd feel included in the decision. Wait... did I miss a huge red flag? Dilbert: We all did. Welcome to the team.

Asok Asks How Much Is Luck

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Asok Asks How Much Is Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nepotism, #luck, #success, #obliviousness, #rich people, #privilege

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Asok: May I ask some questions about your journey to success? Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Asok: I am trying to ascertain what percentage of a person's success is pure luck. For example, who hired you for your first real job? Boss: My dad. But in my defense, I interview well.

World's Greatest Economist

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World's Greatest Economist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2015's comic on:


Tags #coincidence, #deception, #economist, #economy, #money, #random jargon, #art, #science

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Dilbert: You are being hailed as the best economist of our age because your random jargon turned out to mean something. Wally: That's nice, but as a professional economist, I only care if there is a cash award. Dilbert: The world's greatest economist should already be rich. Wally: It's more art than science.

Too Much Exposition

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Too Much Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dolphin, #exposition, #hit man, #murder for hire, #stories, #storytelling, #ceo, #russian dolphin, #militray, #smartphone, #stolen, #mansion

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Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.