Job Of Ceo Comic Strips - Page 3
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1000 Results for Job Of Ceo
View 21 - 30 results for job of ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Job Of Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday April 18,
2020
Great Job For Someone
Tags #business, #office workers, #job, #opening, #private, #office, #opportunity, #background, #rid
Transcript
dilbert: i hear there's a great job opening in operations for someone with your background. big salary, private office. looks like a great opportunity for you. office worker: are you trying to get rid of me? dilbert: not in a way you are suppose to notice.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday April 05,
2020
No Time Before Next Meeting
Tags #boss, #business, #care, #co-workers, #hate, #job, #lesson, #meeting, #nonesence, #procrastinate, #reality, #report, #stupid, #technical, #technology, #time
Transcript
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.
Tuesday March 31,
2020
The Secret To Managing
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job
Transcript
boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.
Friday March 27,
2020
Ted Talks Might Take Your Job
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #social media, #technology, #instagram, #ted talks, #smart, #moron
Transcript
boss: the moron i hired keeps watching ted talks and getting smarter. he's only about three ted talks away from taking your job. ceo: there must be a way to slow him down. boss: i'll see if i can interest him in instagram.
Tuesday March 24,
2020
Passion
Tags #office workers, #business, #live, #parents, #passion, #job, #match, #career, #porcelain, #frog, #fault
Transcript
office worker: i still live with my parents because i can't find a job that matches my passion. dilbert: what is your passion? office worker: i collect porcelain frogs. dilbert: that isn't a career. office worker: how is that my fault?
Tuesday March 17,
2020
Hiring Morons
Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #business, #technical, #job, #market, #hire, #moron, #critical
Transcript
boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.
Thursday March 12,
2020
Selling Private Data
Tags #business, #job, #management, #cloud, #data, #people, #private, #information, #laugh, #market, #sell, #email, #friend
Transcript
dogbert: the only reason i took a job managing cloud data is so i could laugh at people's private information. dogbert: then i discovered a robust market for selling that kind of stuff, so it's a twofer. dilbert: we need to talk. dogbert: sure. just email your thoughts to a friend, and i'll probably read them.
Wednesday March 11,
2020
Recreational Data
Tags #buisness, #management, #managing, #cloud, #personal, #information, #laugh, #legal, #recreation
Transcript
dogbert: the best part about my new job managing the cloud is that i get to laugh at everyone's personal information. dilbert: you're not suppose to be looking at anyone's personal data. dogbert: i'm fairly sure it's legal if i only do it recreationally.
Friday March 06,
2020
Judging By Looks
Tags #business, #interview, #manager, #judge, #offensive, #social media, #nonesense
Transcript
boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.
Thursday February 27,
2020
Ceo Is Like Normal People
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #office environment, #cubicle, #work, #normal, #people, #respect, #stupid
Transcript
ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.