Kill Self With Belt Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for kill self with belt comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Self With Belt" comics from Dilbert.com.

Reasonable Doubt

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Reasonable Doubt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #employees, #health, #leader, #coronavirus, #indoor, #face mask, #kill, #doubt, #sarcasm

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Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.

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Becoming Golem

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Becoming Golem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #creature, #cynical, #doom, #experience, #face mask, #golem, #jaded, #lord of the rings, #office workers, #work, #coffee, #sarcasm

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asok: i've noticed that the more experience i gain, the more cynical and jaded i become. am i doomed to become a golem-like creature with a bad attitude if i work here long enough? no offense. Wally: none taken.

Not A Monopoly

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Not A Monopoly - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #senior managment, #ceo, #government, #monopoly, #product, #essential, #modern, #life, #competition, #company, #compete, #buy out, #fail, #face mask

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ceo: the government is threatening to regulate us like a monopoly. boss: are we not a monopoly? ceo: we are simply a company that makes an essential product for modern life, and we have no real competition. boss: that sounds like a monopoly. ceo: no, we are not because other companies could compete with us if they wanted. boss: and of they tried? ceo: as soon as they got some traction we'd buy them and shut them down. dilbert: so... they would fail every time. ceo: but they could try.

Package Design

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Package Design - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #vp of sales, #technology, #sales, #selling, #design, #proposal, #package, #jump, #roof, #crazy, #sarcasm, #face mask

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dilbert: i got feedback on the proposed package design. our vp of sales says if we go with this design, he will "jump off the roof." alice: is he crazy or just good at selling? dilbert: no way to tell.

Word Salad

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Word Salad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #argument, #implications, #long term, #ramifications, #strategic, #priorities, #word salad, #trigger, #cognitive, #dissonance, #business, #face mask

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boss: you think you made a good argument, but... you are failing to consider the overall implications of the long-term ramifications with regard to strategic priorities. dilbert: that big bowl of word salad suggests i triggered you into cognitive dissonance. boss: tuna carpet!

Narcisism Makes You Happy

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Narcisism Makes You Happy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #narcissim, #happy, #unhappy, #therapist, #reason, #face mask, #wrong

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Carol: you should see a therapist about your narcissism. dilbert: if i'm happy and you're unhappy, doesn't that mean you should see a therapist and i should stay the way i am? carol: no, that's totally wrong, but give me a minute to come up with a reason.

Ted Takes Selfie With Bear

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Ted Takes Selfie With Bear - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #selfie, #picture, #wild, #bear, #success, #techology, #business, #face mask

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wally: did you hear ted took a selfie with a wild bear? dilbert: wow. where can i see that picture? wally: you'd need to ask the bear. it didn't go well.

Social Media Poisoning

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Social Media Poisoning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #medical, #doctor, #social media, #poison, #defensive, #angry, #self-control, #weight, #pounds, #shaming, #fat, #over reaction

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dilbert in doctor's office. dilbert: i think i have social media poisoning. it makes me feel defensive and angry all the time, but i can't quit. doctor: you've gained five pounds. dilbert yelling: you fat-shaming quack!

Vendor With No Facemask

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Vendor With No Facemask - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #covering, #face, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #plastic, #required, #suffocated, #vendor

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boss: can you believe a vendor tried to come in here with no face mask? i told him it didn't matter what kind of face covering he used, it only mattered that he had one. this is where my tale takes a dark turn. now peeved, the vendor stormed back to his car, where he had a bagged lunch. he angrily removed the plastic wrap from his sandwich and wrapped it around his head to serve as his face mask. he suffocated in minutes obviously. dilbert: is that the sandwich? boss: would have gone to waste.

Manage With Data

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Manage With Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analysis, #business, #data, #face maks, #leadership, #manage, #managers & supervisors, #paralysis, #technology, #useable

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boss wearing face mask: we need to manage with data! dilbert wearing face mask: do we have any useful data? boss: not really. dilbert: so...actually we need to get data before we can use data. boss: we don't have time for your analysis paralysis! dilbert: i think you're taking both sides of the same argument. you insist on using data, but you don't want to wait for data. boss: it's called leadership. you wouldn't understand. dilbert: oh, i think i do. boss: stop being such a mask hole.