Last Half Comic Strips - Page 3

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467 Results for Last Half

View 21 - 30 results for last half comic strips. Discover the best "Last Half" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Took Notes

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Wally Took Notes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #co-workers, #forward, #hungry, #insults, #intelligence, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #notes, #pandemic, #release, #schedule, #snack, #technology, #version, #covid

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staff in conference room and all wearing face masks. dilbert: we agreed at our last meeting to postpone the version release. tina: no, we agreed to do it sooner. dilbert: i don't think so. who took notes at the last meeting? wally: i did. click wally: forwarding those notes to each of you. dilbert: um...your notes are mostly insults about the intelligence of your co-workers and...some sort of snack list. this is no help at all. wally: don't blame me. i'm not the one who schedules these meetings when i'm hungry.

Why Use Tests

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Why Use Tests - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diseases, #health & safety, #medical, #office workers, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus, #diagnose

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Dilbert: No face mask? Boss: I have antibodies for the virus. I'm pretty sure I had the virus last January when I had a throat tickle. Dilbert: I wonder why virus test kits exist when we can just ask people if they had it. Boss: I was wondering the same.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

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Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

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dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Tina Sues Boss

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Tina Sues Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #lawyer, #sexist, #jokes, #not, #Funny, #illegal, #unfunny, #criminally, #last, #know

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tina: i've contacted my lawyer to sue you for your sexist jokes. your humor is not funny, and there's a good chance it is illegal. boss to catbert: i just learned that i am criminally not funny. catbert: you're always the last to know.

Before Or After Firing

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Before Or After Firing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #prototype, #request, #fire

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dilbert: we destroyed all of the prototypes you requested. boss: i never asked for anything remotely like that. dilbert: ted said you did. boss: did he tell you that before or after i fired him last week?

Price Gouging

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Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade

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vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.

Making World Better Place

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Making World Better Place - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm

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boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!

Violating Rules

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Violating Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #rules, #business, #audit, #employees, #company

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boss: our internal audit found that you violated over four hundred company rules in the past year. dilbert: i'm also the only employee who accomplished anything last year. now connect the dots. boss: so you're saying we need more rules.

Brain Fog

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Brain Fog - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co-workers, #business, #health, #meds, #i.q., #handsome, #name

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dilbert: i have brain fog from the meds i took last night. my i.q. is down by 50%, but i make up for it by being handsome. alice: sounds more like a 75% situation. dilbert: now, can someone remind me of my name?

Smarter Than An Engineer

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Smarter Than An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #health, #allergy, #brain, #fog, #i.q., #smart, #engineer

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dilbert: i took allergy meds last night, and now i have brain fog. my i.q. is about 50% of normal capacity. boss: whoo-hoo! i'm smarter than an engineer! dilbert: not quite. i'm only down by 50%.