Lead A Horse To Water Comic Strips - Page 3

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162 Results for Lead A Horse To Water

View 21 - 30 results for lead a horse to water comic strips. Discover the best "Lead A Horse To Water" comics from Dilbert.com.

Doomed Smartwatch Project

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Doomed Smartwatch Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags analogy, obliviousness, assignment, technology, invention, watch, failure

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Boss: You'll be in charge of our smart watch project. Dilbert: ...that is doomed from the start. Boss: Stop being such a pessimist. Dilbert: Said General Custer to his horse. Boss: Why would he talk to his horse? Dilbert: Because even the horse knew something was wrong!

Too Much Exposition

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Too Much Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dolphin, exposition, hit man, murder for hire, stories, storytelling, ceo, russian dolphin, militray, smartphone, stolen, mansion

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Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.

Dolphin Lives In Sea Water

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Dolphin Lives In Sea Water - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags animal behavior, animals in captivity, dolphin, exotic pets, fish & aquatic mammals, russia, russian military, birthday clowns, drwoned, seawater, angry

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CEO: I bought a dolphin for my daughter's birthday party. But it turned out to be a retired Russian military dolphin. It dragged one of the birthday clowns into the pool and drowned him. Dilbert: I though dolphins need to live in seawater. CEO: Maybe that's why it's so angry.

Marriage Is A Financial Contract

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Marriage Is A Financial Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags contract, contracts, dating, marriage, money, romance, serious realtionship, marraige, financial contract, vendor, spouce, relationships

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Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conference call, deal, deception, employees, meeting, negotiate, telephones, business

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Conference Call Phone: Wally, can you take the lead on that? Wally: This is Ted. I just joined the call. I'll take care of that for Wally. Phone: Thanks, Ted. Wally: I'm crushing it today.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), thinking, objection to plan, potential problems, works fine, system used, non zero chance, get rid of hospitals, idiot, normal life

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Dilbert: Does anyone have an objection to this plan? Coworker: In my opinion, there are too many potential problems. Dilbert: This system has been used for years in other places and works fine. Coworker: There is still a non-zero chance of problems. Dilbert: By that logic, we should get rid of hospitals because sometimes they make mistakes. Coworker: Gaaa!!! I just realized I'm an idiot! Dilbert: You can still lead a normal life. Wally: It only stings for a minute.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags exercise & fitness, fear, obesity, insanity workout video, sixty pounds, one day, sweat, water weight, obsession

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Wally: Weren't you obese yesterday? Dilbert: I got the "Insanity" workout video. Wally: What kind of exercise makes you lose sixty pounds in one day? Dilbert: I didn't exercise. All I did was watch it. Shaun T: And that was the easy part...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career scuccess, babbling jargon, special gift, paid for nothing, lead by example

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Boss: The key to career success is finding your special gift. Wally: My special gift is getting paid for doing nothing but babbling jargon. Boss: Maybe I should lead by example. Wally: Maybe you already did.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), thinking, ceos technology challenge, innovative ideas, fresh water, elbonia, award winning ideas, water in a box

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CEO: I'm proud to announce the winner in the CEO's technology challenge. Two weeks ago, I challenged you to come up with innovative ideas for getting fresh water to Elbonia. The winner is someone named Wally. Wally's idea for bringing fresh water to Elbonia is... "in a box." That's the best one? Boss: We only had one entry. CEO: I hate your bald guts. Wally: I get that a lot. If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle thinking up award-winning ideas.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags punishment & torture, punishment devices, surveillance, waterboard, enjoy it, not touched alot, creepy, turture techniques

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Abducted by the government NSA Agent: We're going to waterboard you now. Dilbert: Really? Cool. I don't get touched a lot, so I think I'll enjoy it. Is that all the water you brought? NSA Agent: Okay, this got creepy.