Merger Comic Strips - Page 3
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38 Results for Merger
View 21 - 30 results for merger comic strips. Discover the best "Merger" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday October 25,
2002
Tags assignment, blah blah, make holidays tense, stockholder, stop merger, suing us, dilberts mother
Transcript
Dilbert is at his computer. The Boss approaches, hands Dilbert a photograph, and says, "This stockholder is suing us to stop the merger. Go rough her up." Dilbert looks at the photograph and responds, "This assignment disturbs me on many levels." The Boss says, "Name one." Dilbert looks down at the photograph of his mom and says, "It will make the holidays tense." The Boss replies, "Blah, blah, blah."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday October 24,
2002
Tags huge scam, upcoming merger, accretive earnings, stcockholders
Transcript
Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "I worry that our upcoming merger is nothing but a huge scam on our stockholders." The Boss opens his mouth very wide and yells, "Buwaha-hahaha!!" The Boss says, "I mean.. It's accretive to earnings."
Tuesday October 22,
2002
Tags investment banker, merger success, corrupt auditors, corrupt cfo, stock analysts, greedy bankers, clueless board memebers
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert says to The Boss, "We have all of the elements to make the merger a success." Dogbert continues, "... Corrupt auditors, corrupt CEO, corrupt stock analysts, greedy bankers and clueless board members." The Boss asks, "And you?" Dogbert replies, "What are you implying?"
Sunday June 09,
2002
Tags acquired benefits, adopt program, blend benefits progarm, blending, evil director, maternity leave, merger approved, smokers
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "The merger has been approved." The Boss continues, "Our evil director of human resources will blend the acquired company's benefits with our own." Alice, Dilbert, and Wally cry, "WAAA! WAAA! WAAA!" The Boss thinks, "Apparently they know what blending means." Catbert says to the other HR director, "Let's see... My company offers six months of maternity leave for mothers." The other HR director replies, "We treat 'em like smokers. They have to squat in the parking lot for 10 minutes then go back to work." Catbert says, "That's very evil.. We'll adopt your program." The other HR director responds, "Thanks." The Boss reads the new benefits plan. He asks, "What is 'draining?' Catbert responds, "Our company called it training."
Sunday January 06,
2002
Tags best practices, classified budget, consultanats, layoffs, merger, new ceo, office relocation, reorganized, savings, startegy, whole industry, budget freeze
Transcript
Dilbert points to a diagram that reads, "Year 1." He says, "The project got off to a slow start." Dilbert continues, "First we had the reorganization." Dilbert continues, "Then the merger. And the layoffs." Dilbert continues, "Budget freeze. Office relocation." Dilbert continues, "New Ceo, New consultants, New strategy." Business associates listen as Dilbert continues, "Eventually the whole industry changed and the opportunity evaporated." Dilbert continues, "So we classified our unused budget as "savings" and gave everyone a shirt. A female business associate turns to The Boss and says, "You said you'd show us your 'best practices.'" The Boss replies, "What are you implying?"
Sunday November 25,
2001
Tags acquired by foreign company, merger of equals, make money, combined company, giant, latent psychic abilities, pain from distance
Transcript
The Boss says, "I'm happy to announce that we're being acquired by a foreign company." The Boss continues, "Don't worry that they'll dominate us. This will be a merger of equals." He points to a sign that reads, "Merger of Equals." The Boss continues, "Except that they make money and we don't." The Boss continues, "And their CEO will lead the combined company." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit at the conference table. The Boss' voice continues, "And every one of them is a giant." The Boss continues, "And they've developed their latent psychic abilities so they can cause pain from a distance." The Boss grabs his head in pain and exclaims, "Gaaa!! I'm sorry I said too much! You are my master!!" Dilbert turns to Wally and asks, "Are you worried?" Wally replies, "Nah. If they read my mind, they'll all go blind."
Thursday March 16,
2000
Tags the psychologist, merger pending, stress, what merger?
Transcript
The psychologist tells Alice: "It's normal to have stress when a merger is pending." Stunned, Alice asks: "What merger?" The psychologist says: "There I go again!"
Tuesday October 26,
1999
Tags tina tech writer, downsized, merger, experiment, bleed like engineers, science
Transcript
Caption: "Tina the tech writer." Tina says to The Boss, "Why must the tech writers be down-sized after the merger?" Tina says, "If you prick us, do we not bleed like engineers?" The Boss says to Dilbert in front of Tina, "What kind of experiment?"
Monday October 25,
1999
Tags merging, porcess, engineers, merger, tech writers
Transcript
The Boss, Tina and Wally sit in conference. The Boss says, "We'll be destroying another healthy company via a process we call merging." The Boss says, "No engineers will be down-sized after merger." The Boss says to Tina, "And tech writers..." Tina says, "Yes?!" The Boss says, "Should write that down."
Saturday June 27,
1998
Tags dogbert the ceo, incestment banker, loot place, merge with client, golden parachute, exercise stock options, merger, so long suckers
Transcript
Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."
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