Mouth Open Comic Strips - Page 3

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213 Results for Mouth Open

View 21 - 30 results for mouth open comic strips. Discover the best "Mouth Open" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Inflates His Own Head

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Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #ceos, #competition, #executives, #height, #money, #salary, #wages

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Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

Wally's Document Doesn't Open

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Wally's Document Doesn't Open - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #laziness, #technology, #document, #project update, #hard disk, #erase, #reinstall, #operating system, #work

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Boss: I couldn't open the document you sent with your project update. Wally: Try erasing your hard disk and reinstalling the operating system. Boss: I guess I don't need it that badly. Wally: After all the work I put into making that document?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #frustration, #apples and oranges, #comparing fruit, #grow on trees, #nutritionally

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Boss: You can't compare apples and oranges. Dilbert: That's clearly wrong because you just compared them and declared them different. Wally: Apples and oranges are both foods that grow on trees. It would be totally valid to compare them nutritionally. Dilbert: I've noticed that a lot of what comes out of your mouth makes no sense. Boss: You sound like my wife. Wally: You can't compare your wife to your subordinate. That's apples and oranges. Boss: What is happening here? Wally: I don't know, but I wouldn't compare it to work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #hypocrisy, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone rining, #fired, #judge, #ironic, #threat, #legal

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Boss: Anyone whose phone rings during this meeting will be fired on the spot. RRRING! Stop judging me with your eyes. Dilbert: It's the only thing that keeps them open.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #lawyers, #software, #license, #legal dept, #services, #email, #open source, #definsition, #forge signature, #software license, #engineering

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Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #office buildings, #work ethic, #prodcutivity, #cubicles, #one clown car

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Boss: Productivity went down when we moved the engineers from private offices to cubicles. Productivity went down again when we tried to open the office plan. CEO: Have we tried putting all of them in one clown car? Boss: No, but I don't see why that wouldn't work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #money, #bertcoins, #digital currency, #anonymous genous, #mail, #attachment, #pirates

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Ratbert: I'm moning for bertcoins. It's a digital currency created by an anonymous genius. Hey, I'm getting an email from a Somali fellow who wants me to open an attachment. What happened to all of my bertcoins? Bob: Digital Somali pirates!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #death & dying, #distress, #rearrange bits, #already dead

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Dilbert: All I did this week was rearrange bits on the Internet. I had no real impact on the physical world. I can't rule out the possibility that I'm already dead and I don't know it. Okay, still an open question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #table tennis, #ping pong table, #central area, #disrupt floor, #questioning motivation

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CEO: Let's get a ping-pong table so we look like a great place to work. Put it in a central area that will disrupt the entire floor if anyone uses it. I just realized that I don't know why noise comes out of my mouth.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #discussion, #frustration, #deliverable deadline, #proactive, #opposite of proactive, #empowered employees, #bad morale, #big bungler, #open door policy

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Wally: I decided to be proactive and push back my deliverable deadline by a year. Boss: That' snot being proactive. That's the opposite of proactive! Wally: You said you want employees to be empowered and now you're criticizing my decision. That's just great. Now my morale is bad, too! I can't be proactive. I can't be empowered. And now I can't even be happy! You've bungled everything! You're a big bungler! Boss: Get out of my office. Wally: Well, say goodbye to the open-door policy!