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View 21 - 30 results for need to cancel comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Cancel" comics from Dilbert.com.

Increasing Training Budget

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Increasing Training Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office workers, #budget, #training, #research & development, #company, #bankrupt

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boss to tina: i'm planning to increase the budget for training by fifty percent next year. tina to dilbert: he didn't say anything about the other budgets. dilbert to wally: he didn't say anything about the budget for research and development. wally to alice: sounds like he's phasing out research and development. alice to asok: he wouldn't phase out research and development unless he knows the company is failing. asok to carol: the company must be going bankrupt. carol to boss: the company is bankrupt. boss thinking: i guess i don't need to increase the training budget.

Microwaving Fish

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Microwaving Fish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #microwave, #fish, #working from home, #smell, #rotting, #corpse, #cubicle

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boss on phone. boss: asok, you need to stop microwaving fish. i can't work with that smell in the air. asok on phone: i'm working from home. maybe you should check the cubicles for a rotting corpse. boss walking and thinking: maybe i'll let the janitor do that.

Ted And His Laptop

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Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #employment, #fired, #laptop, #technology

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boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

Ted Reimagined More

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Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #unnecessary, #job, #budget, #sarcasm

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boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Reimagine Ted's Job

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Reimagine Ted's Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #job, #new, #pay, #projects, #reimagine, #technology, #compensation

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boss: ted, we need to reimagine your job. ted: i hope that means you will replace the boring parts of my job with exciting new projects. boss: it doesn't mean that. boss: does it mean doing the same work for higher pay?

Trust Coworkers

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Trust Coworkers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #trust, #pretend, #different

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in office building boss: okay, team. we can get this done if we trust each other. alice: that's not a thing. dilbert: i don't trust any of you. boss: maybe we can pretend. dilbert: i'd need to pretend we're different people.

Dogbert 5 G Testing

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Dogbert 5 G Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #5g, #testing, #low-cost, #phone, #prototype, #eggs, #fry, #silly, #qualified, #experts, #safety, #email, #bill

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tina: i don't want to sit too near your 5G phone prototype. i worry that it will fry my eggs. boss: don't be silly. this phone was extensively tested for safety by qualified experts. boss to dogbert: i need you to test this 5G phone for safety. dogbert at desk labeled "low-cost testing: it looks fine to me. i'll email you my bill.

Dilbert Has To Be Right

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Dilbert Has To Be Right  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co-workers, #exercise, #arrogance, #Right, #therapy, #health

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dilbert and tine walking. tina: you argue with everything because you just have to be right. dilbert: how can you tell the difference between someone who "has to be right" versus someone who is right and you need therapy? tina: you're doing it again. dilbert: or am i?

Dogbert Does Telemedicine

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Dogbert Does Telemedicine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #telemedicine, #time, #doctor, #health, #pain, #rake, #leaves, #medicine

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dogbert: i started doing telemedicine in my spare time. Dilbert: don't you need to be a doctor to do that? dogbert: technically, yes. but i found a workaround. dilbert: which is? dogbert: i tell people i'm a doctor. patient: doctor, i have a sharp pain in the back of my thigh. dogbert: are you sitting on a rake? patient: that's a weird question. oh. wait, i am. what should i do? dogbert: try picking up leaves with your hands.

Cushion In Schedule

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Cushion In Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #weekend, #work, #deadline, #due date, #schedule, #input, #critical, #liar, #credibility, #exaggerate

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dilbert: i worked all weekend to get this done for you by the deadline. boss: thanks, but i won't need it for another two weeks. dilbert: then...why did you tell me the deadline was today? boss: i built some cushion into the schedule. dilbert: you mean, you lied to me about the real deadline. in other words, you don't trust me, you are a liar, and i should never believe you again. boss: but you didn't miss the deadline! dilbert: okay, well, at least my input is critical to our success. boss: i might have exaggerated that.