Negotiating Comic Strips - Page 3
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32 Results for Negotiating
View 21 - 30 results for negotiating comic strips. Discover the best "Negotiating" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 08,
2013
Tags death & dying, negotiating, work ethic, raise, workload, incentive, work harder, disgruntled, no meaning, dreams lie broken
Transcript
Boss: If you finish your project in twelve months, I'll give you a five percent raise. Dilbert: I would gladly give up five percent of my future pay to avoid a doubling of my workload. Boss: You don't understand. I'm giving you an incentive to work harder. Dilbert: No, I'm pretty sure you're charging me five percent of my future pay to sit here and feel disgruntled. And it's working. I hate you more than ever and I no longer find meaning in my work My dreams lie broken and empty beneath the ruins of my optimism. Boss: I can't tell if your negotiating or dying. Dilbert: It's a little of both.
Friday January 29,
2010
Tags chain letter, e-mail, die, panic, friends, negotiating, fifty, superstitious
Transcript
The Boss says, "Oh no. If I don't forward this e-mail to fifty friends, I'll die within a week." The Boss says, "I don't have that many friends! I need to make more friends, and fast!!!" Dilbert says, "What are you sending him now?" Wally says, "I'm upping it to sixty friends."
Friday January 22,
2010
Tags cultural sensitivity, elbonians, negotiating, soul, training, yawn
Transcript
CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?
Monday September 28,
2009
Tags negotiating, broke, poor, economy, recession, comparison, exaggeration
Transcript
Negotiating in a bad economy The Boss says, "My company is so poor that we need a 20% price reduction or we'll go belly-up." Man says, "My company is so poor that our only chance of eating involves throwing office supplies at low-flying birds." The boss says, "Shall we say 10%?" Man says, "Our health plan is 'Screaming.'"
Tuesday September 09,
2008
Tags fortune, personally negotiating, contract, new era system, several components, software, hardware, engineering
Transcript
The Boss says, "I saved a fortune by personally negotiating the contract for our new ERP system." Dilbert says, "You bought outdated hardware and forgot several components that are required." Dilbert says, "And I like software with my hardware, but that's just me."
Friday June 13,
2008
Tags interest free loan, paperwork, snortling, leverage is limited, no snortling
Transcript
The Boss says, "I've decided that your tiny company will give us an interest-free loan." The Boss says, "There's no paperwork to sign. We'll just pay your invoices late while snortling." The Boss says, "This is the part where you realize your negotiating leverage is limited." A man, "I demand no snortling!"
Thursday July 15,
2004
Tags negotiating, opening offer, lots of better offers, ruining everything
Transcript
Negotiating My opening offer is... Dilbert: Thank you, thank you, than you, we accept your offer!! I haven t said an offer. Dilbert: I mean we have lots of other offers that are better. You're ruining everything.
Wednesday July 14,
2004
Tags negotaiating, have other offers, phraseology, ordered to lie
Transcript
Negotiating Dilbert: Ive been authorized to tell you that we have other offers. I can tell from your phraseology that you've been ordered to lie and your not good at it. Dilbert: what makes you think something like that? There it is again!
Thursday August 28,
2003
Tags ask them, feeling embarrassed, money, negotiating with vendors, phd, right thing, thinking of idea
Transcript
Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.
Friday March 14,
1997
Tags negotiate, telecommuting, ratbert illogical things, drains will, unproductive things, will to argue
Transcript
Dilbert approaches the Boss's desk and says, "I"m here to negotiate for more telecommuting days." Ratbert sits on Dilbert's head. Dilbert points to him and tells the Boss, "My negotiating strategy is to have Ratbert say such illogical things that it drains your will to argue." The Boss says, "You can't work at home because you might do unproductive things there." Ratbert says, "I've lost my will to argue."
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