Never Born Comic Strips - Page 3

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649 Results for Never Born

View 21 - 30 results for never born comic strips. Discover the best "Never Born" comics from Dilbert.com.

Elbonian Words

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Elbonian Words - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, elbonian, headquarters, language, factory, Word

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boss: headquarters has released a new list of things you are not supposed to say when visiting our elbonian factory. at the top of the list, never say "glfalawah" to an elbonian. alice: because it means something naughty? boss: because it isn't a word.

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Banana Is Not An Apple

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Banana Is Not An Apple - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, apple, argue, banana, business, doctored image, google, managers & supervisors, search, wrong

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dilbert holding out banana: i'm not hungry today. do you want my banana? boss: that's an apple. dilbert: um..no this is a banana. boss: clearly it is not. dilbert: i can't believe you are making me do a google search to prove i know what a banana is. see? those are bananas. this looks just like the photos. this is a banana. those images are doctored. dilbert yelling: there are a million banana images! they are not all doctored! boss: you know how i know you are wrong? because you never admit you are wrong. gotcha! dilbert yelling: that is not a thing!!! boss: that's exactly what all the people who are wrong say.

32 Page Slide Deck

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32 Page Slide Deck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, idiot, input, insult, sadist, sarcasm, slide deck, technology

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co-worker: would you mind reviewing my 32-page slide deck and giving me your thoughts? dilbert: my thoughts are that only a sadist or an idiot would make a 32-page slide deck. co-worker: you'll never guess which one i am. dilbert: i feel as if i could.

Refusing Customer Demands

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Refusing Customer Demands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, customer, demands, face mask, fault, Lose, managers & supervisors, refuse, sarcasm, technology

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dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!

Training Kicked In

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Training Kicked In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bathroom, boring, business, face mask, meeting, sarcasm, technology, training, coffee

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wally: that slide deck in yesterday's meeting was lethally boring. luckily, all of my training kicked in. dilbert: and that training taught you to...? wally: go to the bathroom and never return.

People Enjoy Context

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People Enjoy Context - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, video conference, zoom, customer, self, human, sarcasm, face mask

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boss: when you schedule the zoom call with the customer, be sure to include me. dilbert: do you plan to use up all of our time talking about yourself? boss: people enjoy context. dilbert: it's as if you have never met a human.

Ratio Is Too High

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Ratio Is Too High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, expense, budget, capital, ratio, too high, afford, standards, historical, irrelevant, manage, department

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boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget. dilbert: why do we need to do that? boss: because the ratio is too high. dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it? boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high. dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"? boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high. dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department. boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.

Study 5 G First

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Study 5 G First - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, technology, business, 5g, dangerous, study, research, reporter

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boss: dilbert, i need you to respond to this reporter who thinks our 5g technology is dangerous. dilbert: is it dangerous? boss: how would i know? dilbert: maybe i should study it first. boss: never mind. i'll ask someone else.

Can't Let It Go

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Can't Let It Go - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, face mask, let it go, office workers, software, technology, test

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co-worker: i thought you said we would be testing the software by today. dilbert: nope. i never said anything remotely like that. co-worker: i can't let this go. dilbert: i didn't think you could.

Dilbert Can Answer Questons

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Dilbert Can Answer Questons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags answer, business, delegate, face mask, managers & supervisors, meeting, project, question, sarcasm, awkward

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boss: dilbert can answer any of your questions, but i have another meeting. dilbert: not really. i have no involvement in the project. he just told me to follow him to this room. co-worker: well, this is awkward. dilbert: how about i go to the restroom and never come back?