Nine Comic Strips - Page 3

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48 Results for Nine

View 21 - 30 results for nine comic strips. Discover the best "Nine" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2008's comic on:


Tags #coropoaret raider, #nine dollars, #tough negotiator, #eight dollars, #hat, #elbonians

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An Elbonian says, "A corporate raider has offered to buy our company for nine dollars." Another Elbonian says, "We should ask for more." The first Elbonian says, "He's a tough negotiator." The first Elbonian says, "Now it's only eight dollars?" Dogbert says, "And I want you to do something in your hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #doctors office, #doctors note, #sick, #doesn't believe, #waiting room, #ethical, #believe, #lie, #nine diseases, #medical

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Dilbert: I need a doctor's note for the two days of work I missed." Doctor: You look healthy to me. Dilbert: I got better. Doctor: how do I know you were sick? Dilbert: The note just needs to say I was sick. Doctor: so you want me to lie?" It's not a lie. I really was sick. Medical Doctor: If your company doesn't trust you, why should I?" Dilbert: Good point. What if I let the people in your waiting room cough on me? Then you can write a note saying I have what they have. Doctor: As long as I didn't recommend it. I think that passes ethical muster." The Boss: You have nine diseases?" Dilbert: That have names.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #stock holder meeting, #gadflies, #stock price dropped, #sleep at night

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Stockholder meeting CEO: Do we have any questions from Gadflies? You earned 72 million dollars while our stick price dropped nine percent. How can you sleep at night? CEO: ZZZZZ

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 19, 2006's comic on:


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"I finished all of my projects in one day." "I also reconfigured the network, wrote seven white papers and applied for nine patents." "Are you naked or am I developing X-ray vision?" "Give a thought to decaf."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2005's comic on:


Tags #being ceo, #made smarter, #capital of japan, #mitubishi, #genius

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The best part about being CEO is that it made me smarter. Watch this. "The capital of Japan is Mitsubishi." "That's right! You're a genius!" "Yesterday I would have said nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2004's comic on:


Tags #girlfriend, #two probelms, #looks, #personlaity, #extreme makeover, #fascinated by new person, #9 good tsories, #social liability, #relationships

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Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2003's comic on:


Tags #employee moral survey, #open, #honest, #communication from management, #death spiral, #looting comaony, #noise, #fishing lures, #e, #ploys suffer, #boss likes hurting, #sick boss, #negative force

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"I have the results of the employee morale survey." "The number one issue is 'not enough open and honest communication from management.'" "Well, okay. I'm willing to give that a try." "Management is looting the company while hiding the fact that we're in a death spiral." "Whenever you talk, I think about fishing lures until the noise stops." "When I see an employee suffer, it excites me in ways I don't understand." "On nine separate occasions I've fired bald guys because I thought they were you." "If this doesn't work for you. Let me know on next employee morale survey."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #late worker, #coffee and bagel, #starts late, #woman, #worked 6am, #paid same, #smarter, #casual brillaince

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Wally is walking past Alice's cubicle. Alice calls out, "You're coming to work at nine-thirty?" Alice walks over to Wally and says, "By the time you get your coffee and get your bagel, it'll be ten o'clock!" Alice continues, "I started at six! I've already worked for four hours, and I'll probably stay late!" Alice continues, "Over the course of a lifetime, I'll work twice as much as you!" Alice realizes, "But... we'll be paid the same... and we'll both die anyway." Alice continues, "So.. I guess what you're saying is that you're smarter than I am." Alice yells, "I curse the casual brilliance of your life strategy!!!" Wally walks away and thinks, "My bagel will be extra tasty today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #decompose, #digits, #million dollars, #planned obsolescene, #upgarde, #upgrade now, #version, #newest software

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Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "For only a million dollars, you can upgrade to our newest software version." The salesman continues, "Or you can slowly decompose in the miasma of our planned obsolescence." Dilbert says, "We can't afford to upgrade now." The salesman holds up a device and replies, "Say goodbye to the digits three and nine."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2001's comic on:


Tags #tour of accounting, #random number geneartor, #randomness

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Headline: Tour of Accounting. Dilbert is wiping spit off of himself with a towel. A troll tour guide says, "Over here we have our random number generator." The troll places its hands on a slab of rock and relays the message of "nine nine nine nine." Dilbert asks, "Are you sure that's random?" The troll responds, "That's the problem with randomness. You can never be sure."