Owns Your Ideas Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

149 Results for Owns Your Ideas

View 21 - 30 results for owns your ideas comic strips. Discover the best "Owns Your Ideas" comics from Dilbert.com.

Fake Email From The Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fake Email From The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virus, infection, malware, technology, typo, literacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.

Winning The Meeting

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meetings, game, cruelty, insult, criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, ideas

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Wally's Coffee Drone

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Coffee Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, management, ideas, invention, coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My leadership job didn't last long. I got demoted back to engineering. I guess they realized all of my ideas are about coffee. Dilbert: I've noticed that too. Wally: Watch out for my coffee drone behind you.

No Walking Away

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Walking Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, policy, conversation, ideas, management, strategy, politeness, etiquette, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company has a new politeness policy. It is no longer acceptable to turn and walk away while a co-worker is in the middle of telling you something. Dilbert: That will add months to my project. Alice: I'm selling all of my company stock.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Looks Good But Won't Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Looks Good But Won't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, impracticality, managers, leadership, threat

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The one they call Dilbert suggested we do something that looks good but won't work. CEO: Is this the first trace of management potential you've seen from him? Boss: You think it's a fluke? CEO: Let's keep an eye on it.

Wally's Coffee Ideas

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Coffee Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, obsession, caffeine, decaf, competition, thinking, intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I recommend buying the company that supplies coffee to our biggest competitor. We'll replace their regular coffee with decaf enjoy a solid 20-point I.Q. advantage over them. Boss: Do all of your ideas involve coffee. Wally: Only the good ones.

Boss Thought Of It First

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Thought Of It First - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags credit, ideas, thinking

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: And that's my idea. I think it's brilliant. Boss: I thought of that idea right before you said it. Alice: What are the odds of that? Boss: It happens to me all the time.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags scam, language, accent, communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!