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dilbert: i have brain fog from the meds i took last night. my i.q. is down by 50%, but i make up for it by being handsome. alice: sounds more like a 75% situation. dilbert: now, can someone remind me of my name?
dilbert: i'm freaking out because i just learned there's a comic strip called "dilbert" that is exactly like my life. and look - this is exactly what i did today. it's as if i'm a simulation created by a superior being. dogbert: uh-oh, he's on-to me.
Dilbert: Ben, from marketing, is here to give us a preview of our new tv ad. Ben: The opening scene shows a bunch of men who are weak and stupid, failing to solve a common problem. Then a confident and strong woman enters and solves the problem with ease. Dilbert: Isn't that incredibly sexist? Ben: No, because only the men are weak and stupid. Dilbert: And that's not sexist? Ben: Why are you being so weak and stupid? You sound like a bigot. Dilbert: I'll be quiet now. Wally: As quickly as it began, the rebellion was quashed.
Dilbert: You spelled "crypto" wrong. Boss: No, I didn't. Dilbert: You spelled it "c-r-i-p-t-o". Boss: So? Dilbert: There is no "I" in crypto. Boss: That's how I learned to spell it. Dilbert: You learned it wrong. No one else spells it that way. Boss: Now you're criticizing me for being an inovator? Dilbert: It's not innovation! It's a mistake! Why can't you admit you are wrong?! Boss: Why can't you?
Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.
Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.
boss: does anyone have any suggestions for improving our company culture? dilbert: for starters, you could fire the toxic employee you hired for no good reason. boss whispers to toxic employee: you were right about dilbert being a hater. toxic employee: you should hear what he says about you.
Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.