Paid Per Rumor Comic Strips - Page 3
276 Results for Paid Per Rumor
View 21 - 30 results for paid per rumor comic strips. Discover the best "Paid Per Rumor" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 17, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.
Share September 14, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: This is Randy, our new employee who has no soul. Tina: Wow. What's it like to have no soul? Randy: I feel only emptiness and pain. Tina: I hope you didn't take this job to get away from emptiness and pain. Randy: No, I just wanted to get paid for it.
Share August 06, 2017's comic on:
Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?
Share August 03, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: All I did today was create a bunch of PowerPoint slides that no one will understand. But I got paid the same as if I had done something useful. Is this the first stage of becoming you? Wally: If you're lucky.
Share June 24, 2017's comic on:
Alice: I hear you're a corporate spy for our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, that was an unfounded rumor. Alice: That's exactly what guilty people say. Dilbert: I'm not seeing my path to success here.
Share June 20, 2017's comic on:
Share June 04, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: As you know, every project in this company has one idiot on the team. Man: That can't be true. Boss: It is true. I assign one idiot per team to keep them from bunching together. Man: My project team doesn't have any idiots. Dilbert: There's a good explanation for why you think that. Man: I Don't see what that would be. If I had an idiot on my team I would know it. Unless...
Share May 26, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: There's a rumor that you plan to replace all normal employees with cyborgs that have microchips in their brains. Boss: There is no truth to the rumor that I plan to replace defective employees with highly capable, enhanced humanoids. Dilbert: I can't tell if you're lying. Boss: That's actually the best argument for keeping you around.
Share February 26, 2017's comic on:
Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Share February 09, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!