Phase Two Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

602 Results for Phase Two

View 21 - 30 results for phase two comic strips. Discover the best "Phase Two" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

Two Step Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Two Step Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #reorganization

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?

Complaints About Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaints About Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #office, #office workers, #productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: wally, i received 43 complaints that you have been clipping your toenails in the office. the boss: you have single-handedly destroyed all productivity on the floor. wally: in my defense, it takes two hands if you count the one holding the toe.

Helping Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Helping Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering, #frustration, #help, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to help Ted on his project. He seems to be struggling. Dilbert: That would doom two projects - mine would suffer from neglect, and Ted would re-bungle anything I fix. Boss: Maybe Ted can help you on your project. Dilbert: Gaaaaa!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoidance, #irritation, #lunch, #office workers, #relationships, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: You should meet the new guy in marketing. You two would get along great. I'll set up a lunch. Dilbert: Why? Tina: Because he reminds me of you. Dilbert:That isn't a reason. Tina: Okay, he is free tomorrow for lunch. I'll tell him to meet you in the lobby. Dilbert: I still don't see why the three of us need to go to lunch. Tina: It's just the two of you. I'm busy tomorrow. Man: I hear you're a lot like me. Dilbert: Sadly, yes.

Everyone Is Their Own Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Is Their Own Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #employees, #company

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: At my company, every employee is their own boss. Dilbert: How do you make decisions? Man: Can I get back to you when we make one? It's only been two years.

Complaining Versus Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaining Versus Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #customer, #meeting, #engineers, #years, #disasters, #worry, #data, #centers, #blockchain

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can I go with you to the customer meeting? I'm worried you might promise something we can't deliver. The Boss: Don't be ridiculous! I've been having customer meetings without engineers for years. Dilbert: I know and they all turn into disasters. The Boss: You worry too much! Everything will be fine! Man: Can you replace our data centers with blockchain? The Boss: Give us two days.

Device Can Read Minds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Wife Starts A Business

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wife Starts A Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entrepreneur, #business, #divorce, #marriage, #assumption, #small business, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My wife is starting her own business. Carol: I'm sorry to hear that. How many years have you been married? Boss: She's not leaving me. She's starting a business. Carol: Right. Don't talk about Phase 2. Got it.