Pretend Dead Comic Strips - Page 3

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282 Results for Pretend Dead

View 21 - 30 results for pretend dead comic strips. Discover the best "Pretend Dead" comics from Dilbert.com.

Arguing With Idiots

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Arguing With Idiots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #secret, #tip, #arguing, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, how do you stay happy while the rest of us are stressed out? Wally: It's easy. Instead of arguing with idiots, I pretend I agree with them so they'll leave me alone. Asok: That sounds risky. Wally: Yes, I agree.

Dating A Skeleton

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Dating A Skeleton - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sex, #dating, #relationships, #questioning, #desperation

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Dilbert: Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Skeleton: Go ahead. But if you ask me if I'm dead, there is no chance I'll be rattling bones with you later. What's your question? Dilbert: It can wait until tomorrow.

Aggressive Littering

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Aggressive Littering - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guilt, #plea, #charges, #littering, #murder, #rich people, #discrimination

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Dilbert: I thought you were going to jail for murdering the clients of your cryogenic investment firm. Dogbert: I argued that my clients were already dead. The judge reduced the charge to "aggressive littering." Dilbert: You kicked two-hundred unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: You sound just like that angry prosecutor.

Deducing Rank

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Deducing Rank - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hierarchy, #rank, #marketing, #jargon, #lingo, #adspeak, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how to answer your question because I got here late and I haven't deduced your rank in the company. Woman: I'm the new director of Marketing, so you need to pretend my question makes sense. Dilbert: Give me a minute to get into that mindset. Woman: Take your time.

No Good Ideas In Decades

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No Good Ideas In Decades - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ideas, #candid, #ageism, #conversation, #speaking, #talking

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Man: May I make a suggestion? Dilbert: Sure. Do you mind if I only pretend to listen because you haven't had a good idea in several decades? Man: That's fine. I was only looking forward to the part where I'm talking. Dilbert: Proceed.

Pretending To Be Helpful

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 Pretending To Be Helpful - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insulting, #coworkers, #consultation, #indirect, #pretend, #helpful, #grammar, #slide deck

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Dogbert consults Never insult your co-worers directly. Instead, undermine their confidence by pretending to be helpful. Wally: let me know if you need help fixing the grammar in your slide deck. Alice: what?

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss

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Tina Has Complaints Against His Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #complaint, #ignore, #attention, #results, #business

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Tina: I have complaints about my boss. Many, many complaints. Catbert: Tell me about it while I pretend to listen. Tina: Then you will look into my complaints? Catbert: Is there any way you would know if I didn't?

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Two Choices For Work Space

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Two Choices For Work Space - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #distraction, #work from home

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Boss: We're trying to decide if it's better to have an open office plan with too many distractions to be productive... or soul-crushing cubicles that will make every employee envy the dead. Dilbert: Maybe everyone can just work from home? Boss: And miss all of this?