Projects Fail Comic Strips - Page 3

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188 Results for Projects Fail

View 21 - 30 results for projects fail comic strips. Discover the best "Projects Fail" comics from Dilbert.com.

Juggling 17 Balls

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Juggling 17 Balls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #criticism, #employees, #office workers, #overwhelmed, #juggle

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Alice: I have too many projects. Boss: Pfft! If a juggler can juggle five balls at once, you can handle seventeen projects. Alice: But...no juggler can juggle seventeen balls at once. Boss: Not the lazy ones.

Wally Wears Headphones

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Wally Wears Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #irritation, #office workers, #avoidance, #hear, #headphones

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Alice: Do you have a minute? Wally: I can't hear you because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Maybe you could take them off for a minute. Wally: I have no idea what you are saying because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Then take them off! Wally: If I am reading your lips correctly, I believe you are asking me to "flurp tingo gloop". Alice: Forget it! I'll just let my project fail! Dilbert: How is your anti-co-worker defense system working out? Wally: I can't hear you.

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. - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #criticism, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sabotage

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Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.

Poor Communication Skills

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Poor Communication Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #employees, #office, #office workers, #questions, #projects

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Man: Would you like to be on my project team? Dilbert: Hard pass. Your communication skills are so poor that the project is doomed to failure. Man: I meant to say your boss already assigned you to my project. Dilbert: We're off to a good start.

Can't Succeed Within The Rules

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Can't Succeed Within The Rules - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #rules, #success

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dilbert: if i follow all of our internal rules, my project will fail because of delays. and if i don't follow the rules, you will fire me. what should i do? boss: i like the option where the project is a success but you're a failure.

Zombie Projects

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Zombie Projects - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #zombie, #sloth, #fail, #salary

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the boss: wally, i'm putting you in charge of all the zombie projects that refuse to die. the boss: i'm counting on your sloth and incompetence to finish them off, so management feels comfortable finally canceling them. the boss: as of today, i'm paying you to fail. wally: actually, this is just the first time you're aware of it.

Wally And His Priorities

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Wally And His Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meetings, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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the boss: wally, can you attend a meeting at 10 am tomorrow? wally: sure. here's a list of my projects so you can tell me which one you want to fail while i'm wasting my time at your meeting. the boss: was there a chance one of them would succeed? wally: well played

Helping Ted

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Helping Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering, #frustration, #help, #office, #office workers

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Boss: I need you to help Ted on his project. He seems to be struggling. Dilbert: That would doom two projects - mine would suffer from neglect, and Ted would re-bungle anything I fix. Boss: Maybe Ted can help you on your project. Dilbert: Gaaaaa!!!

Boss Has A Vision For The Company

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Boss Has A Vision For The Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #office workers, #sarcasm, #listen

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Boss: And that's my vision for the company. Dilbert: All you did was list the projects we are already working on while making it sound like astrology. Boss: In my defense, I didn't think any of you were listening.

Award For Cutting Costs

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Award For Cutting Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #award, #cutting, #costs, #department, #underfunded, #losers, #awards, #help

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CEO: I am proud to give you this award for cutting costs more than any other department. Dilbert: All of our projects failed because they are underfunded. CEO: How do you put up with these losers? The Boss: The awards help.